[Anonymous]

Hello my name is Jorge, I am 25 yr old male from USA.
I feel that you can shed some light on my crazy situation and Ill just give you a little info about my situation and ask you what you think:

I had a GF for 7-8yrs (we are both scorpios ) and everything was fine. She talked about breaking up about 2 months ago. I said “If that is what you want because you are not sure about me, I totally support your decision and admire you for the courage to take this step. You have my full support and I will try to always be your friend, I love you and you can count on me I want you to be free and happy and if that is not with me then I support you 100 per cent” basically.

Well she said she would want contact with me because “it would bias me in your (mine) favor”. Well “OK” I said, and I have given her space for a solid and long, somewhat dark and confusing 6-8 weeks.

I thought she was going to eventually come back to me on her own for many reasons.

It has been 2 months now and this is now really starting to hurt for real. So I called her up yesterday because I missed her and wanted to know what was going on with our lives. She said she does not want to do with me anymore because she does not love me anymore and maybe even never did. That there is just “no more chemistry” between us. That she has been going out with other guys. I reckon some sexual problem but I can say that I do make her orgasm regularly and that she sais this is not because of sex at all, yet there is just no chemistry and no spark/magic in our relationship. I just dont agree at all with any of this and feel completely cheated/robbed by life. She sais its her not me and that I could not have been a better BF ;her friends/family seem to agree.

So I went to her house after this brief phone intro, I wanted to get this straight in person. She starts about how she does not love me anymore, I try to play it cool but it was just too much. I just couldnt handle this and just eventually the tears started flowing. I said this was a nightmare and basically denying the situation inside of me at a deep subconscious level. I felt great negativity and aversion towards her. She had the strange energy and eyes of being with someone else and everything about her just hurt.

I left the house and in my car I just had to go back to her and tell her something I did not even know what. She came to the door she was also sort of sobby, she asked me if I needed a Hug I said no. There was some serious aversion energy between her and me I just could take her hug. I don’t even know what I said to her but she thanked me for it. I just couldn’t deal with leaving.

So I couldn’t deal with the reality of this on my way to my place and I called her because I just wanted her to know how I really felt inside because I had been trying to play it cool for all these weeks and I thought she never really had gotten to understand my feelings about all of this. It got psychotic.

So she ended crying with me and shes like “well you have to move on now you are a very talented good looking guy; you will surely find another person” and I was just a little unbalanced to say the least. Needless to say she was my dream come true as a GF and she is all that I would ever want we even have a band together, we share deep spiritual connections and this is just too sad to realize what had happened. Many people saw us as a perfect relationship. My friend just can’t believe this has happened.

Today I sort of messed up again by calling her cell about 25 times (she won’t answer) and her house like 14, I left her a message asking her how does she say “we can be friends” but does not pick up the phone and is virtually unavailable to me. But this is after yesterday so I understand. I just want to say I am sorry for being psychotic and losing my cool, that I support her decision and that we can be friends.

I honestly believe I am the one for her and she for me, and that no one will ever be able to love her as much as I do because I do seriously believe I owe my life to her at this date for some other matters that are a bit off topic here.

Well I just want to know what you think I should do now. I tried to go hang out today with my friends and go to my day job I just couldn’t deal with trying to teach kids to play guitar and crying at the same time.

I guess I should I just move on in life and suck it up like a man, and forget about her all together and move on and just forget about this and not even think about getting back to her? This is what her friend told me to do. To party hard and meet new women; but this is much deeper to me than just meeting new women or being dumped. This is a very deep, spiritual issue. Its very strange I get these depressive pangs and its a bit scary how sad I feel all of a sudden when I realize how much I loved this person and what she meant for me.

Your input will be highly valued. Thank you for your time if you got to the end of this I want to wish you a very wonderful life and the best to you.

[Ask April Masini]

If you are 25 and this is an 8 year relationship, I assume she was your first real love. It’s understandable that you are heartbroken and that this break up is a legitimate stress on you and will take time to grieve and get over. But you will do both. 🙂

Understand that this was an important relationship and an important part of your life. It was never a waste of your time and what you took from this relationship — that you are capable of a long term commitment, and that you want someone in your life to share, find intimacy and trust — will serve you in the long run that is your entire life.

That said, while you honor what you had and have lost, it is important to move on. Partying hard is not what I would recommend because it insinuates numbing your pain, and I think you’re strong enough to feel the pain, accept it, and understand why you feel it, and to know that it is not going to last forever. People are uncomfortable with pain and work very hard not to feel it. Real strength requires accepting it and understanding the part it plays in your life. So while you feel the pain of the break up, it’s important to look at the rest of the world and know that this break up is just a part of your life and not the majority of it.

Take one day at a time for now. Take care of yourself, getting up every day, exercising, grooming yourself, and giving a little bit of your heart to others — whether they are elderly relatives, sick friends, pets who need love, plants that need tending or a house that needs cleaning and ordering to bring peace to those who live in it. Remember that life has love and hurt and peace and upset as integral parts of your personal evolution. Open your heart to those who are willing to take your gifts and accept what love they are willing to give you in whatever gesture it manifests.

You’re going to be okay. Just be gentle with yourself, and focus on moving forward one day at a time for now.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[DonnySummer]

I feel that right now I have evolved to the point where I can make her truly happy yet its too late.

Should I send her a letter I wrote explaining this and many other things I wrote? I am quite positive I know exactly what went wrong and how to fix her problems. Don’t know if I should send the letter I wrote explaining this; I think she will want to reunite with me in the future (even though she sais she won’t) but she will be unable because my next true love in this life will probably be my last with everything I have learned off this. There’s a good chance its better to just move on and let her be. True love is like a bird and it will come back if its true I have always believed.

Don’t know if I should send the handwritten letter?

I for one am not even sure if I’d go back with someone who I consider to be so cruel because of the way she has treated me, I’d do so only if she was really serious about it because I have a lot of faith in her.

Probably best to not send letter?

Thank you for your time

[DonnySummer]

I think Ive evolved enough right now to truly make her happy

Should I send a hand written letter I made explaining this? It will be sad that she then wants to get back with me and she can’t as I think will happen.

[Ask April Masini]

Don’t send the letter. It will just prolong the drama.

Understand you wrote the letter for yourself. It’s part of your process in understanding what happened and how your feelings are evolving. So keep the letter for yourself, or burn it. But don’t send it.

[DonnySummer]

Shes my dream come true and I really want her back I am really depressed this is the worst thing that has happened to me

I want to ask her if there is any way that she will come back to me but dont know if I should

[Ask April Masini]

Ultimately, it’s your decision. If you send the letter, most likely you’ll have another round of drama that will end with the same result — but that said, each person has his own method of figuring things out and his own timeline. If you need to do this to feel at peace with what happens — regardless of the outcome — then do it.

[DonnySummer]

Is it Ok to say that Ill always be there as a friend but not as a lover?

Should I still talk to her the same way as before?

Shes using me as a backup; any tips on fast tracking her attraction? Ive read Magic of making up

[DonnySummer]

Should I flirt with her?? Think i should.

[Ask April Masini]

She’s been very clear with you that she wants a break up, and she hasn’t contacted you for over two months since that break up. She’s been clear with you. You’re now basically throwing a hail mary to try and get her back. It’s not going to work, but you seem bound and determined to do this, so it doesn’t matter what you say, she’s made her decision.

My advice was not to send the letter, and I stick by that. However, if you ARE going to send it, it doesn’t matter what’s in it. 😳 She’s done.

You’d do much better [i]for yourself[/i] to focus your energy on you and extending yourself to other women who ARE interested in you.

[DonnySummer]

Thing is she never really said we were breaking up she just said she needed a break.
And then she never came back.

We have been in contact though, we have been talking on the phone a bit.

So you think I am pretty much doomed here.

What would be some signs that shed want to get back with me?

[DonnySummer]

is it OK to love someone more than your own life?

why wont she even tell me who shes going out with

[Ask April Masini]

Get a grip. You’re spinning out here. 🙄

She’s not telling you who she’s dating because it’s none of your business and she wants you to have only a limited amount of her life. You don’t seem to be giving up or getting the picture.

It’s time for you to move on. You need to start volunteering at an animal shelter or for a political group that is trying to improve the world, or for helping U.S. Veterans who’ve served their duty and need help acclimating to life, now. Get out of your own head and start looking around you at the rest of the world. You’ll be happier and you’ll be a better person for it. 🙂

[DonnySummer]

Exactly, I was not getting the picture, that’s why I have resorted to your help in the first place.

I just expect to be treated how I treat others; my bad.

Please answer if you think its OK to love someone more than your own life.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m not sure who you think is treating you badly or who you think isn’t treating you the same as others. ❓ That said it’s probably wrong for you to assume people are going to treat you the same way you treat them or that you will treat them the same way they treat you. Everybody is different to a certain extent and brings different experience to the table. If you make your expectations of how you will be treated more realistic, you won’t be disappointed.

As for you question about it being okay to love someone more than your own life, It depends who the person is.

Many parents love their children more than they do their own lives, and spouses often love each other more than their own lives. These feelings in these cases are understandable.

If you have a specific relationship question that relates to your own life, I’m happy to help you with it. Broad questions that are philosophical in nature are a little hard to help you with — I’m a relationship expert, not a philosopher. 😆

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