[Chels1221]

Okay so I’ve been talking to this guy for at least 5 months. We’ve hung out 3 times. Once to the movies (which I paid for myself) and the other times movie night at his place. He has a job and is always working so we dont get to see each other a lot. Anyway I really like him but I don’t think he’s that interested in me I feel like he just wants to hit it and quit it. I think he’s a player. I asked him if he was talking to anyone else and he said no. I just don’t know what to do. Should I ask him flat out how he feels about me and if he sees this leading to a relationship or should I just sit back and wait. I don’t want to scare him away but I don’t want to waste anymore time or put anymore feelings into this. Please help 🙁

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April responds readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Free Expert Q & A Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini.

[Ask April Masini]

You already have your answer — he’s not that into you. 😳 If he doesn’t take you out on a date (he asks you out, he makes you feel special, he pays), he’s not that into you. If your only date was dutch treat, and then the next two times you saw each other, he didn’t even feel he needed to show you a good time by taking you out and making you feel important to him, he’s not that into you. You have your answer — don’t go asking for what you already know. Move on! 😉

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[Ethan Morales]

April’s right on the money with this one, and I’ll tell you why. When a guy is genuinely interested, you feel it. He finds the time, even if he’s busy. He plans things, he invests a little not just money, but effort. The fact that he hasn’t done that in five months, and your only “dates” are casual hangouts at his place? That’s not someone building toward a relationship. That’s someone keeping things easy, convenient, and low-investment. You’re not imagining the imbalance it’s there.

Now, I get the hesitation you don’t want to scare him off by being too forward. But the truth is, you wouldn’t scare off the right guy by asking where things are going. The right guy would welcome the clarity. The one who gets scared? He’s not serious anyway. So don’t sit back waiting for him to suddenly change gears take April’s advice. Quietly pull your energy back, stop initiating, and see what he does. If he steps up, good. If not, you’ve got your answer without wasting another month wondering.

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