[awkward123]

Hi guys! I am in desperate need of honest advice. My boyfriend and I (both 27 years old) have been together on and off for six years. This past year, was awesome since we fought less, enjoyed each others daily company and discussed the future. Since our relationship has been so on and off; during our “off time” he hooks up with other girls. Which that is problem and makes me feel angry. I know he still is “friends” with those girls on facebook, so I tend to (without his knowledge) check his phone. (mind you, I have also dated other guys too but I haven’t hooked up with a different guy since three years..) I have caught nothing on his phone. No text messages, no inbox messages, no girls numbers. So that was a relief!
He just started University last week and I have noticed a change within the past few days; distant, not calling me or talking to me. I would come over and he wouldn’t talk to me and just to go to sleep. I figured he’s just tired from being at school all day, and I tried to be a “supportive girlfriend” by understanding and letting him get his rest.
The next day, he was distant once again. I received a missed call from him. I called him back and texted him and no response until two hours later. He was being strange, very “lovey dovey” while I was pissed because he ignored me and didn’t even apologize nor tell him what he was doing. It was like “pulling teeth” to have him tell me why it took him two hours to call me back. When he finally replied stating he was eating dinner and left his phone in his car. Again, I thought that was strange since he’s always glued to his phone but, I just decided to forget about.
Later that night when he was downstairs, I got a hold of his phone. Instantly, a web page popped up in regards to “how to sit by girls in class”. I was livid! I thought he was “busy” at school, trying to get his life in order to finally start a great with me, but no. He was too busy ignoring me, and researching ways on how to “sit by girls in class”.
I checked his google history, which was not a good idea, but I feel it was a blessing in disguise. He typed in google search “ways to talk to girls on campus” and how to “sit by girls in class”. Then the previous day, he was reading forums about “how to pick up hot chicks on campus”. I read his texts, which on that same day, he texted his three good guy friends (which are my friends too!) stating, “damn, there’s so many hot chicks on campus”. One of his friend responded, with a “I told you!” and the two others did not respond. I understand that’s trypical “guy talk” but what really makes me mad is the fact that he googled ways to talk to these girls!
I asked him why he was googling these things? And why is he with me? Just to have me for the “mean time” while he tries to “pick up chicks” at campus. He responded stating no, that he wants to be with me, he sees a future with me, he would never cheat on me because he has morals. He also said that just because he googled these things, does not mean that he cheated nor would ever cheat and I don’t understand how his “brain works”. He said once he thinks things about other girls; his thoughts instantly stop because he remembers he has me and I am “the whole package” for him. I disagreed and told him that I want to break up. He begged not to break up and if there’s anything he could do. Which it did not seem sincere at all.
My advice to you is, if he claims that he wants to be with me, then why would he go out of his way to research ways to talk to “hot chicks” on campus. Should I believe his response? Or should I start running towards to the exit sign and never look back again? Please advise. Thank you so much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’re looking for a monogamous boyfriend who is interested in a long-term, committed relationship that leads to marriage, then you should look elsewhere. Your current boyfriend has made it clear with his actions that he’s not interested in that with you. Whenever a man’s words and his behavior don’t match, believe his behavior. He’s looking to experience other women. You’re looking for a man who isn’t interested in that. Time for you to move on. 😉 Hope that helps!

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[awkward123]

Thank you April for responding. Let me give you more details about my relationship and his personality. Like I stated, we have been together on and off for 6 years. I have broken up with him because he would leave me out to party with his guys friends. Then he would come back and beg to get back 6 months later. He has broken up with me due to my trust issues since and then would get back together after 6 months. I think we’ve broken up like 6 times. I have dated other men and he has dated other women when we aren’t together. He is the type of person who tells me how it is, especially when it comes to breaking up. This past year has been AWESOME. And he’s finally opening up to me and talking about “our future” which is something he has never done before. The point is: if he wants to break up to live the single life- he will do it no matter what, since he has done it before. When I talked to him about his researching techniques, and told him I wanted to break up, he didn’t want to. Which is not a normal reaction from him, because he never has done that before. I am afraid if I break up, then I will mess our relationship up and all the hard work we have been through to keep it together. On the other hand, I am afraid that he is just using me for the mean time, until he finds someone else who is attracted to him and then leave me. I not concerned if he will cheat on me, because like i said- if he wants to live the single life, he would just break up and thats it. I am afraid that “what if” a “hot girl” at his school starts to talk to him and they end up liking each other, then he will leave me. I also discussed this him during the heat of the moment (I was livid and not thinking rationally) and his response weren’t good enough for me! He wants to talk in a couple of days. Any advice on how to go by this? I obviously don’t want to break up with him but I don’t know what to do! I am torn

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Any advice on how to go by this?[/quote]

Yes! The easiest way to help you is to ask you to answer this question: Do you want a monogamous relationship with a man that leads to marriage? If you answer yes, then you should move on. If you answer no, then you should continue seeing this guy.

You’ve made it very clear that the two of you have broken up 6 times in 6 years. That’s an annual break-up over the course of a long term. Nothing seems to have changed, and when you recognize a pattern, you can either change your behavior or continue and expect more of the same. 😉 Also, he’s made it very clear, he’s looking outside the relationship for women. He’s not in this for long term monogamy. If you are, then you’re looking for something he’s not offering.

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