Hi April—
I really respect your straight up advice. I haven’t seen this situation on your forums, so here goes.
A few years ago, I was rebounding. Met a cute/funny/smart guy (let’s call him “T”) and had a summer fling—very casual, no strings attached. At the end of the summer, I realized I liked him more than a “FWB.” I felt we had so much compatibility, on so many levels—hadn’t expected that. I know FWBs aren’t going to turn in to relationships, and aren’t meant to, but I broke the cardinal rule and asked him for more. I got the expected response of “thanks, but no thanks.” I moved on, a bit sad but accepting. End of story.
But not really. About a year later, T got in touch and wanted to see me again. I was already in a relationship with someone else, so I declined. Another year passed, and he got in touch again and I was still with the other guy. Another year passed, and he got in touch again. This time I was single. We got together a few times, then T became aloof and disinterested. I let it go. Moved on. Didn’t contact him again. The message was crystal clear—again: he’s not that into me.
Nine months later, I was dating someone new. He called me, wanted to see me. I declined. Again.
Four months ago, I broke up with the last boyfriend. This time, I was the one who reached out to T. We went out a couple of times. I truly think the “magic” might actually be there. I feel it. Maybe he does, too. When I say magic—I mean, we share nearly identical values in our life philosophies, in our approach to the world, in our politics…hell, we even buy the same brand of coffee beans and the color schemes in our apartments are so close to identical you’d think we had the same interior decorator (neither of us has an interior decorator, btw).
What would you do in my shoes? Pursue? Wait? Walk away? Every time I learn something new about this man, I like—or love—him more. Am I just delusional?
S.
