[Sarahm1985]

Hey really need some advice. My ex boyfriend and I were together for 6months. He broke up with me the first time only after a month as he started to get angry and depressed and said he didn’t want to hurt me. So we parted ways,after a week I contacted him sayin I missed him so we got back together things were good for a couple of weeks we would see one another a lot then I jst wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of days then he’d turn up at my door as if nuthin was wrong this carried on for a while then we got into a huge fight because I had had enough of his moods and couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up contacting him for 2 weeks after the break up and all we did was argue once again I tried so hard to salvage the relationship cos I knew he still felt the same. So then I said look let’s be friends and he was like ill come down for a chat. So the next day I felt so worried about him coming down that night I cancelled and just said that I was glad we could be friends but I didn’t want him to come down. So he went mental texting me emailing me sayin we needed to have a chat so I was like ok so he came down we talked and I said I wanted to take things slow and start again but he said he cared about me but it was just too much for him. So I accepted that then I asked him to leave and he looked really shocked but I jst didn’t want to hang out with him. After he left he texted me sayin how it was good seein me again and how he still has feelings for me and to take care. A week passed and I started to feel a lot better and out of the blue he texted me askin how I was and wat I’d been upto. I was very confused so I took a whole to text bk and was polite and he kept askin wat I was upto and I told him I was away to a party that night and he said well have fun and give me a text later if your want. I was very confused but I didn’t bother texting him. The next day I got another text askin if I’d had a good night and if I’d got home safe. I texted back sayin yeah I had a good night thanks and he texted back sayin that he was tryin to show that he cares about me makin sure I’m safe and then said I think it’s about time facebook and numbers get deleted. I was like eh wats goin on so I texted back bein like I still care for u too but if that’s wat u want. And I haven’t heard anything since then and he hasn’t deleted me off facebook and it’s been a week ways goin on I’m so confused??

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’re confused because you’re trying to make something work that ended five months ago when he broke up with you. 😕 Let’s take this one step at a time. I’ll break down your post so maybe you can see where things went wrong. 😉

[quote]My ex boyfriend and I were together for 6months. He broke up with me the first time only after a month as he started to get angry and depressed and said he didn’t want to hurt me. So we parted ways,after a week I contacted him sayin I missed him so we got back together things were good for a couple of weeks we would see one another a lot then I jst wouldn’t hear from him for a couple of days then he’d turn up at my door as if nuthin was wrong this carried on for a while then we got into a huge fight because I had had enough of his moods and couldn’t take it anymore. [/quote]

He broke up with you because he was angry and depressed. That’s a legitimate reason to break up with someone. In fact, even if it wasn’t a legitimate reason, it may have been his way of not hurting you by blaming the break up on his moods instead of on his not liking you enough to continue dating you. You shouldn’t have called him up to get back together when nothing had changed. But you did… and then you got angry because he was moody — which was the whole reason he broke up with you in the first place. Here’s a rule for you to remember to be successful in dating: Don’t chase after him. Let HIM be the one to chase you because 1) Guys want to be the ones to do the chasing, and when you chase them, you take that opportunity away from them, and 2) You’ll know exactly how into you he is if you let HIM do the chasing. If you hadn’t called him to tell him you missed him, he probably wouldn’t have called you and you’d never have gotten into the next five months of what you call confusion. 😉

[quote]I ended up contacting him for 2 weeks after the break up and all we did was argue once again I tried so hard to salvage the relationship cos I knew he still felt the same. [/quote]

You made the same mistake AGAIN. 😳 You contacted him to “salvage” the relationship. This isn’t a long-term relationship, and what you’re salvaging doesn’t sound like it’s worth salvaging. It’s mostly fighting. 🙁 You were both wasting your time trying to make something work that clearly wasn’t, after a not very long amount of time. It’s not your job to “salvage” a relationship because you know he feels the same way you do. Whether or not you’re right about him feeling the same way you do, he didn’t BEHAVE as if he wanted the relationship to work. Always pay attention to a man’s behavior to see how he really feels about you. 😉

[quote]So then I said look let’s be friends and he was like ill come down for a chat. So the next day I felt so worried about him coming down that night I cancelled and just said that I was glad we could be friends but I didn’t want him to come down.[/quote]

Men and women can’t be friends — one person always has more feelings than the other one, and it never works. For future, I’d advise that you not suggest or befriend a guy –especially an ex! In fact, you clearly weren’t friends because if you were, you wouldn’t feel worried about his coming to see you. 😉

[quote]So he went mental texting me emailing me sayin we needed to have a chat so I was like ok so he came down we talked and I said I wanted to take things slow and start again but he said he cared about me but it was just too much for him. So I accepted that then I asked him to leave and he looked really shocked but I jst didn’t want to hang out with him. [/quote]

If someone goes “mental” on you, the best thing you can do is disengage. Instead, consciously or subconsciously, you’re egging him on. This is a guy who broke up with you after one month of dating because he was too moody. He was right. He is. And you don’t like who he is, but you keep engaging him. 😳

[quote]After he left he texted me sayin how it was good seein me again and how he still has feelings for me and to take care. A week passed and I started to feel a lot better and out of the blue he texted me askin how I was and wat I’d been upto. I was very confused so I took a whole to text bk and was polite and he kept askin wat I was upto and I told him I was away to a party that night and he said well have fun and give me a text later if your want. I was very confused but I didn’t bother texting him. [/quote]

I’m not sure why you were confused. He didn’t do anything confusing.

[quote]The next day I got another text askin if I’d had a good night and if I’d got home safe. I texted back sayin yeah I had a good night thanks and he texted back sayin that he was tryin to show that he cares about me makin sure I’m safe and then said I think it’s about time facebook and numbers get deleted. I was like eh wats goin on so I texted back bein like I still care for u too but if that’s wat u want. [/quote]

Stop chasing him! I know you probably think that telling him you care about him when he wants to break up isn’t chasing him, but it is a form of going after him. If someone doesn’t want to date you, accept that rejection as a gift! It allows you to get out there, be single, and find someone who could be Mr. Right instead of wasting your time with someone who isn’t. 🙂

[quote]And I haven’t heard anything since then and he hasn’t deleted me off facebook and it’s been a week ways goin on I’m so confused??[/quote]

You’re confused because you’re avoiding what’s happening. He doesn’t want to date you. You don’t want to accept that. So instead of taking the rejection and moving on, you’re deciding to be confused so you can try and stay in the relationship. My advice is to understand that this isn’t a healthy situation and it’s a waste of your time, and to move on. You can do better for yourself than rejection and confusion. 😉

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