[mlt295]

Hi
Im in my second year of college and i have been dating my current boyfriend (who is also my first boyfriend) for a year this august. He is the sweetest guy i have ever met. I had a hard time deciding if i wanted to date him because i wasnt physically attracted to him but i was extremely attracted to his personality so i gave it a chance. I told Brad (not his real name) that if we were going to date there was one thing that i wouldnt do, and that was have sex with him for religious reasons. He agreed and said it was ok. Soon enough we started messing around (doing other things besides sex) but i began feeling guitly. So we stopped. We now live together in an apartment. It has been a while since we messed around but we have done some stuff periodically. Brad and i constantly get into arguments about me not wanting to mess around because he says its something he “needs.” I tell him that there are many different reasons why i dont want to anymore which include: it makes me feel guilty, im not a sexual person, i view sex as a dirty thing not something that is romantic and so on. He understands but still feels that he needs to have that “need” met. We both love each other so much and i personally dont want to break up with him. I can see us having a future together but at the same time i dont want to regret anything espeially since he is my first boyfriend. I feel like this problem is cause our relationship to struggle. Have any advice?

[Ask April Masini]

It’s fine that you have standards about sex. Waiting until marriage to engage in sex is not a problem — unless you’re with a man who doesn’t share that value. Then, you’re not compatible. 😳 It’s important in any relationship to have enough compatibility to make both people want to stay. Not EVERYTHING will be one hundred percent compatible, but there are deal breakers in every relationship. Sometimes the deal breakers are infidelity or religion. Sometimes they are family values or not wanting to have children. It sounds like having sex is going to be a deal breaker for you and your boyfriend.

It’s very normal for a second year college student who is male and about 19 or 20 years old to have a high sex drive. If the two of you can work out compromises for his sexual needs being met and your boundaries not being crossed, then there is a future together. But if there is no compromise and no mutual compatibility, then you have to understand that although you love each other, you’re not his Ms. Right and he’s not your Mr. Right.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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