[perfectstranger]

Hi there,

I am 23 and have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. We live together and have been drifting apart for almost a year now. I recently met another man through a friend of mine and we started talking, I now have found myself so inlove with this other man. This has made me realise how bad the situation has become with my current boyfriend and how disconnected we are. I am so afraid to make a decision now because it feels as if there is so much at stake. 5 years is a long time and if I decide to break off the relationship everything we have built together will be lost forever. I am so unhappy and this other love is making me even more miserable because I don’t know what to do! My current boyfriend can sort of sense there is a problem, but we have practically lived together as room mates for so long that I think he sees it as the norm. The other man has actually become an escape for me, someone that I can talk to when I want to feel loved etc. (we only talk online and we have never acted on our feelings but we do have an emotional connection which is just as bad). Another issue is that we both just finished our degree at University and we have all these plans to move away together, but I feel like I want to move alone. The bottom line is, it feels as if things are coming to an end between me and my current boyfriend, I am so afraid to talk to him about it because we have built so much together. I am stuck. Can anyone please give me advice on how I can move forward. How do I talk to him?
this is so hard 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re ready to move on. I know it’s hard, and nobody likes the pain of a break up, but you’re already looking for other men, and after five years of being with the same man, you should know if you want to marry him or not. What I’m getting from you is extreme ambivalence at best.

Sorry, but my advice is for you to end your relationship with your boyfriend, and move out at this perfect time since you’re finishing your college education. It’s time for you fly in the real world, solo!

Good luck.

[perfectstranger]

Thank you so much for your reply.

I do realise that it is what I need to do, but how do I explain it to him? I cannot find the right words to tell him. I think it will be a huge shock for him because he is planning our future together. I still love him so much but it is not the same anymore and I just feel that it is just not enough. I really don’t want to hurt him.

🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, understand that break ups are supposed to hurt. You will hurt him. You will hurt yourself. And both of you will live through a break up and move on to find happiness in your own lives. I promise. 🙂

Second of all, understand that if you DON’T break up with him, and live a life where you’re looking at other men, considering being with them, and eventually acting on those feelings, you’re going to hurt him and yourself way worse than you would if you’re honest with him and act respectfully.

Start out with these words, if you can’t find your own, for a break up. “I love you, but I don’t want to be with you any more because I want to move on in my life without you. I’m breaking up with you, and I feel terrible about it, but it’s what I need to do.”

Hope that helps, and good luck.

[Hazley Joy]

Just move on and don’t depend your happiness to him. I know your ready to date with other guy. Always choose what makes you happy.

[Member]

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