[kaywaters20]

I have been talking to a guy for a couple months. We use to be friends with benefits on and off for 2 years. All of a sudden he started acting different after we started talking again. Saying sweet things, giving compliments and calling me babe and baby. Up until a few months ago he said he only wanted to be friends, but now he says he wants a relationship in the future that he isn’t ready, due to college, for a relationship. Also that we would be a good couple and that he likes me. Also he says he isn’t seeing, talking or dating anyone other than me also if that changes he will tell me, but that he isn’t going anywhere. But it seems like he is hot and cold sometimes. We text maybe a 2 or 3 messages a day but regardless even a few words it is everyday. I have met his uncle and brothers. But I feel like I’m starting to fall for him. I mean should I tell him or no? He is 7 years older than I am and I feel like we are in two different fields and I don’t want to say anything wrong or make a mistake. I can see a future but I feel as though he is just telling me what I want to hear. Many people told me play hard to get but I feel like if you already have had sexual relations with a guy you can’t really play hard to get. I constantly find myself havin dreams, day or night, about him. Does it sound Genuien or complete BS? I just don’t want to fall and end up face down on the ground. Please help!!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[kaywaters20]

I’m 21 and he is 28.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

The best thing I can tell you is to watch his behavior to see if what he says matches up with what he does. It’s easy for a guy to say you’re the one, but unless he really acts like it, you shouldn’t believe him. You’re right that it is difficult to turn a FWB relationship into something more committed, and that’s why it’s important for you to look for changes in his behavior that match what he’s saying. So, when he says he can really see a future with you, then see if he acts like it. Does he take you out and show you off. Does he call you his girlfriend and buy you jewelry? Does he take you out with other couples? If he does, then he’s into you. If he doesn’t, then I’d move on — depending on what it is you want.

If you do write back, tell me why he’s 28 and still in college….. usually, unless he’s in medical school or getting a PhD, people are done with college by that age.

Let me know how things go.

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[kaywaters20]

He has been in college for a little over 3 years now. He was in the army for 4 years also. But he does act differently this time. Before we would only text like come over? And usually yes and that would be the only time we talked. He holds my hand and keeps his arm around me in front of his friends. We don’t really go out our work schedules don’t work out to our advantage alot of the time. He doesn’t call me his girlfriend but his family does and he never tells them no we ain’t. I actually want a relationship we are so similar it’s unreal. I just feel like he is scared of commitment. His best friend told me his last relationship ended horrible I don’t know any of the details. Should I be completely honest with my feelings towards him or wait? I haven’t had the best experiences with guys so I don’t know how to take a good guy.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

Don’t tell him how you feel. It puts pressure on a relationship that’s in transition, and it takes away his opportunity to be the one to sweep you off your feet. Men want to be your hero, so let him be the one to profess his love, first. And if he isn’t that person, then reconsider…..

Your big job is to decide if he’s someone who is able to have the kind of relationship you want. In other words, focus on your goal more than you’re focusing on turning him into someone he may not be. Watch his behavior. If he’s someone who’s afraid of having a relationship, and you want a committed one, this may not be the right person to be with.

Also, if you want to change the relationship from FWB to a committed one, [i]you[/i] have to change [i]your[/i] own behavior. 😉 Be the girlfriend you want to be — one who is asked out on dates, and is treated like a girlfriend. Don’t fall back into FWB behavior. Create committed girlfriend behavior.

I know you want a quick and easy answer, but what you’re asking for isn’t quick or easy. Your’e trying to change a FWB relationship with a guy who’s gun-shy on commitments, into a committed relationship. This will take time and patience, and it will require you changing the way you do things. 😉

Does that help? Let me know how things go — keep in touch.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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