[skiier286]

Hi there,

I have been faced with what feels like an impossible position. I dated a man for 3 years whom I loved very much, but I broke it off almost a year ago because he wasn’t ready for the next level (marriage, etc). He was always in my thoughts every day, but I did eventually move on and ended up meeting a wonderful new guy 2 months ago. He gave me every feeling I was looking for right off the bat. Well wouldn’t you know, as I am in the midst of exploring this new relationship, my ex comes back asking me to give him another shot. He began to show me he was ready for the next level and wanted that life with me. I am so torn between the two. The bigger picture tells me I should say “too little, too late” because I have met someone else, but my heart is still very much invested in my ex. I have never flip flopped so much in my life.

Fast forward 1 week, I tried to break it off with new guy because I could really see a life with my ex. He was my best friend. But by the same token, the new relationship hadn’t really gotten a chance to develop. And that is what kept me from fully knowing if I was making the right choice- the “what if” glaring me in the face. My new guy, instead of walking away as I tried to break it off, ended up fighting harder to keep me. I am so so torn. Any advice here would be a huge help!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

After dating your ex-boyfriend for three years, you left because he wasn’t ready for a commitment. I’m not sure how old you are, but for many women of a certain age, wanting marriage, kids, a home, etc., is understandable, and they don’t want to waste time with a guy who just isn’t on the same page. I’m guessing you’re that type of woman, and you wanted marriage. That’s why I think you did the right thing for yourself by moving on. I appreciate that your ex-boyfriend thinks he made a mistake, and has come back and wants you back, but unless he’s got a ring and a knee guard on one knee, it sounds like he’s still not ready for marriage. After 3 years, I’m not sure what else he needs to know about you to make a decision about whether to marry or not. That’s why, unless you ex comes back with a marriage proposal and a wedding date, I think you should give this new guy who seems to really want you, a chance. Keep your eye on the ball and your goals clear.

Let me know how things go!

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