[fletchy8]

Okay so my bf and i dated for a solid 10 months and we were PERFECT. we spent every second together and he came to all of my games and everything and always wanted to spend the whole day together and stuff. we were eachother’s firsts for everything and we were madly in love. he has told me he wants to marry me and everything.
Well he is a year older than me so he graduated last year and on the week of his graduation he started acting weird and not talking to me very often and i got mad at him and kept blowing up hs phone and stuff and not leaving him alone. well eventually, we talked and decided that we needed a break but that we should be “talking” and not see other people. well a little while into the break i found out that he kissed another girl on the night he graduated and i got mad and went to his house and freaked out and yelled at him and everything and we stopped all communication for 2 weeks. well i missed hm so i texted him to meet up and exchange things and we met up and started talking again.
all summer he kept saying he wanted to date me again just not yet and that i had to wait. well things kept going wrong and other people kept stepping in the way and we kept getting mad at eachother and stopped talking. well a week before he left for college (an hour away) he asked me to be his gf again and we were back together. well a week later i heard that he had messed around on me even more while we were dating the first time so i asked him about it and he said no that wasnt true it happened when we werent together but “talking” i got so mad i didnt talk to him for 3 days and he came into town just to see me and was begging forgiveness. well that night he suggested we take a month and dont talk at all and see how we feel about eachother after that month. i thought it was a good idea until i freaked out and started blowing up his phone over and over. he asked me to homecoming so i needed info and he wouldnt ansewr!! i was gettting desperate to talk to him so one day he came into town and we talked and he said that he just needs time and space to decde what he wants. well that was a week ago and last night i went to visit him in college so we could party and we were talking about the whole thing and he got mad and told me i was being soo annoying and that he never wants to hangout because all i ever do is cry and talk about our future and that he doesnt want to talk about it anymore. i felt bad and apologized. he is coming in town next weekend to get ready for homecoming and then the next weekend for homecoming itself.
i love him and i just want him to come back to me. is it possible?! how can i do it?! he said that he still loves me but that he just doesnt know if he wants to give up college partying life for a gf right now. HELP!

[Ask April Masini]

I’m afraid you’re not going to get what you want — with him. It’s very normal to feel attached to your first lover and the two of you were in love as well. But it’s also very normal for him to want to experiment, which is exactly what he’s doing. He doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but he’s making a mess of it because by not being honest with you that he wants to date other women, he’s giving you false hope. The truth that is confusing for you is that he does love you, but he’s not “in love” with you and he’s not committed to having a future with you or even a short term future with you. He’s an 18 year old guy, from what I gather, and you have to understand what most 18 year old guys who go away to college for the first time are like. They want to sow their oats and not have emotional drama.

Your drama is pushing him away, but his behavior is pushing you away. It’s time to accept THE SITUATION for what it is. He was your first — but not your last, and you need to focus on your life [i]without[/i] him in it. If you don’t, you’re going to blow up his phone, get mad at him for withholding information and he’s going to dump you unceremoniously from his life because he doesn’t want the hassle of the relationship he has with you.

Agree to be friends and look elsewhere for a boyfriend. You’ll find one. It just won’t be him, now.

I’m sorry this must hurt, but if you accept it, you won’t be so crazed. Let me know how things go.

And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

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