[brandon8392]

Hello, ever since I got out of high school. I talked to a handful of girls not at the same time, but some were from school and some outside of school. They stop talking to me the and find someone else, at the time this didn’t bother me. What bugs me now is all those beautiful girls have kids now. All of them. And the all have come back around to give me a “second shot”. Am I selfish for not wanting to be with a woman after she has kids from someone else? I feel like I always come second, always have and always will, especially if they have a child. Am I wrong for wanting to build that with a woman. No one wants to watch you grow but everyone wants a finished product.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not wrong at all. If you don’t want to have kids — or if you don’t want to date a single parent — that’s your choice and there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s great that you know yourself. So be clear and be concise and don’t “talk” to women online who do have kids if you know you’re not going to date them. Doing so just leads them on and frustrates you. You don’t have to explain yourself. Just don’t waste time (yours or theirs). So when these women reconnect with you, don’t respond, or if you do, just be short and sweet — and don’t get involved with people you don’t want to date. It’s not cruel. It’s smart, and in the long run, it’s kind. 😉

[Sally]

It’s not really about the kids it’s about feeling like you were never the first choice. That stuff sticks with you, even years later.
But here’s the thing… wanting to build something from the ground up with someone isn’t selfish. It’s just honest. Most people want that. You’re allowed to want a fresh start with someone who’s choosing you right now, not circling back because life got hard.

At the same time, don’t let this turn into a story about you “coming second.” Sometimes people grow up, mess up, have kids, and then realize who treated them well. It doesn’t mean you owe them anything.

Just be real with yourself about what you want. You’re not wrong for wanting to build your own family. You’re also not wrong for walking away from something that doesn’t feel like it’s truly yours.

[Tara]

You’re finally noticing the pattern. They didn’t want you when they had options; they want you now because you’re safe, stable, and convenient. And you’re pretending this is about kids, but it’s really about you realizing you were never their first choice, you were the backup plan they kept in the drawer.

You’re not wrong for wanting to build a family with someone who chooses you before life forces them to revisit you. That’s not selfish, that’s self-respect. The brutal reality: you feel like you “always come second” because you keep entertaining women who only show up when the first guy already won.

Stop blaming the situation and start raising your standards. You’re not required to take on someone else’s consequences just because they suddenly noticed your value. The verdict: you’re not wrong, you’re finally awake. Now act like it.

[Member]

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