[Keplerk]

I met a guy and his family at a bar a couple weeks ago& we hit it off. I added him on Facebook & message him shortly after. We slowly began talking more &more. His ex-wife divorced him 7 months ago & that was the 1st time he had been out in months. Our conversations began to evolve into more serious discussions about our lives & eventually, texting led to sexting. Neither one of us were/are looking for anything serious so I didn’t think that it was much of a problem. He had ask me to come over but I didn’t, I am also currently going through a divorce. We set a day to meet but his son was leaving for vacation so he ended up canceling. We met later during the week, I drove to his house, He was super nervous & so was I. Eventually we had sex that night, I didn’t stay, And After sex he was making comments about things we would do later on down the road (not all sexual, some about being together). The sex wasn’t great, we were both so nervous and a little tipsy that it just kind of weirdly ended. We texted throughout the night & he texted me the next morning saying he was sick. I had a wedding to go to but my friends & I were supposed to meet back up w him & his family that night and go out. My ex-husband was at the wedding & I drank more than I probably should have. I called him (the day before he called & we talked for almost 2 hours) & he didn’t answer but texted me right away so I called again & he sent me to voicemail. I thought he was just hanging out at home bc he was sick. I proceeded to tell him I was drunk & that I called him to say hey & that I felt dumb. He never responded. Later that night I texted him apologizing for calling him while he was sick & tried to explain the situation at the wedding, still no response. I waited 2 days & texted him & said I was thinking abt him & I hoped he was having a great day. I still haven’t heard anything. What did I do wrong? Did I scare him off? I thought we were doing great & then I called him that one time & now he’s completely disappeared. I really liked him.

[Ask April Masini]

I think it was a combination of things that happened. 1) He is newly divorced and hasn’t really started dating yet, so he’s rusty and apprehensive. Getting back out there after a divorce is tougher for some people than others, and because he’s newly divorced, and it hasn’t even been a year since the divorce for him, he may have not been ready to do more than he did. Sometimes it’s two steps forward and one step back when you’re getting back to dating. 2) In addition, it’s only been a few weeks since you’ve known each other, so let the timeline play out. I know it’s hard to slow down when you like someone and you’ve slept with him. But give this a few months before throwing in the towel. He’s got to sort through some conflicting information — like his telling you he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and you telling him the same… but then having sex together on the first date — because sex always changes things, and it made you feel more connected to him. Give him a little time to miss you and to process his feelings. 3) Also, since you’re going through a divorce now, he may have realized you’re still married, and that may have been an obstacle for him. I know you feel divorced, but he may have talked to a friend or his family and they may have told him that since you’re still married, not to get involved or to get serious. They may be protecting him — whether or not he needs protection. 4) And lastly, sometimes people just don’t click. And that’s nobody’s fault! You basically had one first date which was sex at his house — and whether a first date is a boozy hook up or dinner and a movie, lots of relationships don’t get past the first date because it’s just not a match no matter how great things may have appeared to have gone. Consider these four reasons for his behavior, and let me know if you have any more questions!

[Keplerk]

Is there any way I can tell which one it is? I’ve tried to text him, just once since the wedding incident and I haven’t heard anything. Should I just wait around? I’m trykng to give him lots of space. I don’t want to let this cloud my judgement and being newly divorced, I want to focus on myself but I miss talking to him. He kinda had the whole package. Just kinda feeling like I got gut punched.

[Ask April Masini]

Definitely give him space. That’s a good instinct on your part. Let him have the chance to miss you (as much as you miss him). If he does, he’ll contact you. If a few weeks go by and you don’t hear from him, you can assume that for whatever reason, he’s not interested in more right now. If you want to give it one last try, wait a few weeks, and then shoot him a funny photo of you at the place where the two of you met with a message that is catchy and non-committal — for instance, you found yourself back at the ranch, and wondered how he’s been doing. Don’t ask him a question — just make a statement like that so he can choose to reach out or not.

Whether he’s gone quiet on you because of reasons 1, 2, 3 or 4 — the reasons don’t matter as much as the fact that he’s not ready right now. To keep yourself from pining, get out there and keep going. Play the field. Date. Have fun and meaning in your life, and try not to obsess on what he’s thinking. Instead, be your best self, and let him have the opportunity and space to decide if he wants to connect again. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need more.

[PassionSeeker]

You did nothing wrong by reaching out, caring, or being genuine. You’re also going through major life changes, and this connection may have served as a temporary spark reminding you that you can feel attraction, connection, and excitement again. His silence is closure in itself. Don’t chase him match his energy with your own peace. Focus on your healing and self confidence. The right person won’t vanish when you’re being real.

[Marcus king]

You didn’t do anything terrible you just moved too fast with someone who’s not emotionally ready. He’s newly divorced, vulnerable, and probably confused about what he wants. The sex, the drunk calls, the quick emotional connection it was all too much, too soon. When people are healing, they often pull back fast. Don’t chase him or blame yourself. Take this as a lesson: next time, slow down, skip the sexting, and let trust and connection build first.

[Ethan Morales]

It doesn’t sound like you “did anything wrong” in a moral sense, but there are several factors that could explain why he’s pulled back, and none of them are entirely about you. Let’s break it down:

He’s newly divorced – People coming out of a divorce are often cautious, confused, or apprehensive about dating. Even if he seemed excited, he might not be ready to fully engage emotionally. The fact that he hasn’t been out in months could make him hesitant once things get a bit more real.

Timeline is very short – You’ve only known each other a few weeks. Sleeping together early on can intensify feelings, but it can also make someone retreat if they feel things are moving too fast, even unintentionally.

Your current divorce – Even if you feel “done” with your marriage, he may see your legal status differently. Newly divorced or married friends/family may caution him against getting involved, and that could be influencing him indirectly.

Communication missteps – Calling while he was sick, being tipsy at the wedding, or sending multiple follow-ups may have added pressure in his mind, even if your intent was just to be friendly and open. He may have needed space to process, and silence is his way of managing that.

It may not be a match – Sometimes, regardless of chemistry, people just don’t connect in the way they expect. Early attraction doesn’t guarantee compatibility, and him disappearing could simply mean he realized it wasn’t going to work out for him emotionally.

This isn’t about you being “too much” or “messing up.” It’s a combination of timing, personal baggage, and differing expectations. The best approach is to give him space, focus on your own life and healing through your divorce, and let the relationship or lack thereof play out naturally.

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