[Preet]

I had been married for 10 years with a 5 years old kid. I love my daughter.. But I cannot stand my husband as he was not understanding. We argued every single day of our lives for past 10 years. I am separated .my daughter is with her dad. I found another guy. He is unhappily married .He told me everything about him and his life. He was my friend in staring.. We shared our problems with each other. He said he is with his wife so that he could get residency in Australia. Other than that he will get separated when this will happen. He said he was falling in love with me. We go out on dates we talk to each other for hours everyday. He told little bit about me to his dad and his friends. He never force me to have sex or anything like that. If I interested then we do something. He love going with me to the places where he always wanted to. But I miss my daughter. He want her to be with her Dad. I don’t get that. Sometimes I feel I can live without him if I have my daughter with me. I feel like a horrible parent who cannot see own child’s tears in front of own happiness. I want her badly in my life. No doubt I love him but may be because he is still living under same roof with his wife, my heart hasn’t accept him completely. I just so confused. I told him once that I just want to be his friend with benefits if he wants sex,lol,until he gets separated but he said it is not about sex. He said he is emotionally attached to me… What should I do? Please help

[AskApril Masini]

You chose a married man you’ve known for three months over your 5 year old daughter. 😯 Of course you miss her — and she misses you, too. Go back to being a good mother and choose your daughter over this guy. Your daughter deserves both parents, whether or not you’re married or divorced. Even if you hate your husband, from whom you’re separated, you need to work out a co-parenting plan so your daughter has both of you in her life. So drop everything and work things out with your husband — and set up some joint custody situation so you can both parent your daughter. Any guy you date, who truly loves you, is going to want you to have a healthy relationship with your little girl. I’m sorry you’ve made a bad choice. This is your opportunity to fix it. Go get her. 😉

[Sally]

When you say you could live without him if you had her, that’s not guilt talking that’s your core talking.
This man might care about you, but he’s still married, still living that life, still asking you to accept pieces instead of the whole. Promises about later don’t help when right now you’re missing your child and feeling like you’re shrinking yourself to make this work.
You’re not a horrible parent. You’re a tired woman who’s been lonely for a long time. But your peace isn’t going to come from a relationship that already feels divided.
If your heart can’t fully accept him, listen to that. And don’t silence the part of you that wants your daughter back in your arms. That part knows what matters most.

[Tara]

You are hiding from your real responsibility inside someone else’s unfinished life.
Your marriage was miserable. Fine. You left. That part is done. But instead of rebuilding yourself and fighting for your child, you ran straight into an emotional affair with a married man who is using you as an escape hatch while he waits for paperwork. Don’t romanticize this. A man who stays married for residency is not “trapped.” he is choosing convenience over integrity. And you are choosing fantasy over your daughter.

You already know the answer, which is why you feel sick. You miss your child because that bond is real. This man? He is provisional. Conditional. Temporary. He lives with his wife, shares a roof, a legal life, and a plan that does not include you right now. His words are cheap because his actions are cowardly. If he were serious, he would separate first, not later. “Later” is how people keep two lives running at the same time.

And let’s be brutally clear about the ugliest part: you are outsourcing your emotional emptiness to him while your daughter is paying the price. Children don’t need perfect parents, but they do need present ones. Every time you choose this man over fighting to be with your child, you are teaching her exactly where she ranks. That guilt you feel? That’s not confusion. That’s your conscience screaming.

You don’t need a “friend with benefits,” you don’t need his promises, and you don’t need to wait for a married man to finish his paperwork. You need to choose reality. Either you center your life around your daughter and rebuild with integrity, or you continue this affair and accept that you are prioritizing your desires over your child’s stability. There is no way to sugarcoat that.

[Member]

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