[mae4ever]

Sorry if it’s too long.
I started working in a restaurant last year October.I have a co-worker who bothers me since I started working.This guy is 20 yrs old and a bit immature I must say.I got a lot of things I’ve heard about him.Like he asked almost of the girls working in the restaurant to make love to him and ask them to go to his house.Some of my girls co-workers said he was just joking.And even my managers “no” to him.To make the long story short,he also asked me.But before that he already told me he likes me.And then ignored him and asked him to leave me alone.But still keeps on bugging me and asked me to make love to him over and over again.What I did I asked him like this”Do you know what verbal harassment is?” and he said ” Sorry”.that’s it. After that day he stopped bugging me. But still we’re casual by saying hi and hello.
All of a sudden,everything changed.Since he sometimes give me a ride, we talked in his car seriously one night..Like if he really likes me or what or he just wanted to have sex.he said “yeah ok yeah I just want it only.” After that he texted me and he said” I am just being sarcastic and u believe me” i told him you like me u didn’t even text me or make an effort. After the day i told him that , we started texting. And until now.We also started seeing each other. the first time we we’re together was when we stayed in his car.at first, we really do nothing. Second stayed in his car, i hugged him and that’s it. Third stayed in his car was nothing happened again. Just hug and he asked for a kiss.But I didn’t give him a kiss and didn’t forced me. And recently, we hang out together as a group and we’re sweet like hugging and like a real couple.After that we stayed in our friend’s house and he asked for a kiss again but didn’t give him and he didn’t forced me.We talked for awhile and real sweet. In short, we’re being so close and sweet for a about 1 month and half and didn’t kiss yet.And he respected it.That’s what I like ,that i am thinking that he just not want to have sex only.
We talked about what he really wants he said “he likes me and wanted me to be his gf.”he just don’t want to have sex only it’s only by any chance”
My question is I don’t know if he is just acting or really serious.because he said he likes me but didn’t even ask me to go out, watch movie or have a dinner outside. I told him that but he always say he’s broke.he sends money to his brother etc.he said he will ask me one day but not now.he wanted to watch movie in his house and lay down.But he said no sex.just watch movie.

So i don’t know coz he makes me happy and wanted to see and be with him..So i don’t know.I’m confused,
😕 😕 😕
Thank you for the help..

[bandit]

This guy just wants to hook up. He’s a flake. He’s also playing the game of testing the waters by saying something outrageous “hey lets go make love” and then backing off and playing it off as a joke if the woman doesn’t respond.

“I’m just kidding, unless you’re gonna do it.”. As a guy, this guy comes off as a player who isn’t really good at playing to me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The advice you got from Bandit is 100% right on the mark. This guy is a player, and he only wants sex. He’s not boyfriend material because he can’t afford to take you out on a date — or else he can afford it, but won’t. He’s looking for an easy mark, and you’re it. If you hook up with him, be warned that you’re going to end up unhappy. He’ll keep hitting on other women and going to you when he can’t get someone else to sleep with him.

Sorry, but you should see him for who he is — a guy who’s not interested in you enough to ask you out and a guy who is rude to lots of women that you know about and probably countless others that you don’t know about.

Don’t give him the time of day again.

[mae4ever]

thank you for your advices! I’m kinda hurt because I feel attached with him now.but i KNOW i CAN GET OVER WITH HIM anytime soon.I just need to keep myself busy.And kinda hard coz we see each other at work.

thank you again…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you — I’m glad I could help.

As you try to get over your player ex-boyfriend, you should get my book, Think & Date Like A Man, and read it!! It’s down loadable at this link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. It will give you a lot of help on finding and getting Mr. Right and it will also re-direct your energy from Mr. Wrong onto a path of renewal and looking for a boyfriend who values you and will be there for you one hundred percent.

[mae4ever]

help me!!!!!!!!!!11please!!!!!!!!!!!..
I must say Im completely a jerk now.I kissed this guy after work.I waited for him just to talk to him and clear things up! I know that he just want more on physical but I don’t know why I am so attached with him.i dont know how will I get over with him.Since his my co-worker.

I want to tell him that I wanna stop whatever is going on with us but I was thinking like he might spread to all my co-workers that we had sex or something or like Im a bad kisser or whatever.I know that he’s not a boyfriend material but I dont know why I keep on hanging out with this guy. I know and everybody knows that im too good to him .he said that he really wanna make love with me and tell to me ” Iloveu” and he said but how..we dont make love.I must say He really just wanna have sex but I dont know why do I like him….

I dont know what to do really..help me I dont know how to get over with this guy.And I wanna forget whatever happened and be just friends coz I know I’ll be hurt in the end..

Thank u..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are a drama queen who is just looking to create a lot of chaos in your life, and the lives of other people. 🙁 You’ve gotten really good advice from me and a reader named Bandit on this forum, none of which you’ve taken. Clearly, you’re getting something out of this bad behavior (yours and his) and choosing Mr. Wrong. Sometimes people like drama because it gives them attention, and it seems like you want that attention more than anything else. Well, you’re going to get it if you don’t heed the good dating advice you’ve gotten here and instead, go down a path of dating — or just sleeping with — Mr. Wrong. 😳

[mae4ever]

i really like the attention of the guy..yeah it’s all my fault and being a drama queen..thank u atleast u still give an advice though im pretty stubborn and didnt follow it.maybe because i also wanted to kiss the guy..

Thank you,and i know i’ll get over with him .. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not passing any judgment on you — but I do want you to understand your TRUE needs, and right now, your need for attention and excitement is greater than your need for a stable Mr. Right. As long as you’re honest with YOURSELF you’ll be able to meet your own needs without confusion. But I think you’re eventually going to transition into wanting a stable and peaceful relationship that brings you intimacy and romance, and you’ll find that drama isn’t going to help you with that.

Good luck!

[mae4ever]

Thank you so much April..I really appreciated your advices.. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’ve re-read some of your posts and you really do have a need for attention. Try and get a handle on that need otherwise you’re going to waste your life dating men who give you attention but are never the right guys for you. Attention isn’t that hard to muster up, but Mr. Right is.

[Ethan Morales]

The first thing that stands out is a pattern of behaviour that’s concerning. At the start, he repeatedly pressured you for sex, which is a clear red flag. You set boundaries, and he initially stopped good on you for standing your ground but the fact that he later circled back and started texting you again shows that he isn’t respecting boundaries consistently. Respect is non-negotiable, and a guy who pressures you even subtly cannot automatically be trusted as someone serious.

Now, about the “sweet” phase: yes, he’s being careful in that he hasn’t forced anything physically, and that’s a positive sign. But there’s a big gap between respecting boundaries and actually investing in a relationship. He hasn’t asked you out on proper dates, hasn’t made tangible efforts to spend quality time with you, and keeps citing financial excuses. Wanting to hang out at home or watch a movie in his house isn’t equivalent to courtship or serious dating it’s convenient for him and low-risk for commitment.

He’s also got a history of hitting on multiple women, which shows a pattern of entitlement and self-interest. Even if he says he likes you, words without action dates, effort, prioritising you don’t mean much. You’re seeing a guy who makes you happy sometimes, but happiness alone isn’t enough; it has to be backed by consistent respect, effort, and commitment.

The reality is this: he’s not showing you he’s serious about you in practical ways. If he were, he’d find ways to date you, invest his time, and treat you as a priority. Right now, he’s giving you small affection and attention without accountability classic “I want the benefits, not the responsibility” behaviour.

Trust your instincts. If you want a serious, respectful relationship, don’t settle for someone whose actions suggest he’s primarily interested in convenience and casual attention. Don’t waste your time hoping he’ll grow up or suddenly invest he’s showing you exactly who he is. Step back, protect your boundaries, and look for someone whose words and actions align with the commitment you deserve.

[Natalie Noah]

I feel the mix of excitement, confusion, and frustration you’re experiencing. it’s completely understandable. You’re a young woman exploring feelings of attraction, intimacy, and connection, and it’s natural to be drawn to someone who makes you feel noticed and special. That being said, the guy you’re describing is showing a pattern that is really concerning: inconsistency, manipulation, and prioritizing his desires over your comfort. Even if he hasn’t forced anything on you, the repeated pushing for intimacy and the history of pressuring other women is a red flag. Attention can feel intoxicating, but it’s not the same as respect, commitment, or care for your wellbeing.

What stands out most is your awareness that this situation is unhealthy for you, yet you’re still caught up in the emotional pull. That’s normal human emotions are messy, and our hearts don’t always follow logic. You’re craving connection and closeness, but the attention you’re getting is tied to drama and excitement, not stability or real partnership. As April pointed out, there’s a difference between Mr. Wrong giving you thrills and Mr. Right offering security, respect, and mutual care. The attachment you feel is real, but it’s an attachment to the emotional rush, not necessarily to a safe and loving relationship.

It’s also important to recognize the patterns of behavior you’re allowing yourself to fall into. You’re giving him opportunities to keep you close, even though you know he isn’t fully committed or trustworthy. That’s partly about your need for attention which is okay and human but it’s also a moment to pause and reflect. You’re worth being with someone who values you, treats you with consistency, and respects your boundaries without question. The moment you step back, set limits, and prioritize your own emotional safety, you give yourself the space to heal and refocus on relationships that genuinely nourish you.

You don’t have to completely cut him out if circumstances make that tricky, like at work, but you can reclaim your boundaries and protect your heart. Limit your interactions, avoid situations where the drama flares, and redirect your energy toward friends, hobbies, or goals that make you feel empowered. You’re not weak or flawed for feeling drawn to him you’re human. But your happiness will come when you learn to distinguish attention that excites from love that sustains, and when you invest your heart in someone who truly deserves it.

[Tara]

Cut it off now, before you end up another girl on his list who wishes she had paid attention to the warning signs.
He didn’t magically turn into a good guy; you just got addicted to the attention. This isn’t romance. It’s the same desperate, sex-obsessed kid trying a different strategy because the direct “sleep with me” route failed. You threatened him with harassment, and he only backed off when he realised you weren’t playing. Now he’s pulling the “sweet and patient” act because he wants another shot at getting what he was chasing from day one.

He told you he wanted sex. He only switched to “I was being sarcastic” after he realised you’d cut him off for it. That’s not honesty, that’s panic. Men don’t suddenly develop deep feelings after months of begging every girl in a restaurant to sleep with them. He’s not serious. He’s calculating.

He doesn’t take you out. He doesn’t put in effort. He doesn’t plan dates. He doesn’t invest. He only invites you to places where he can touch you. Broke or not, a man who actually likes you will find any way to spend time with you that doesn’t involve being horizontal. He won’t. Because he’s lazy and he only cares about the end goal.
You’re confusing “not forcing you” with respect. That’s not respect. That’s strategy. He’s not being a gentleman; he’s waiting for you to drop your guard. He’s patient because he thinks patience is the key to getting you undressed.

You’re not confused because he’s complicated. You’re confused because you want to believe you’re special to a guy whose entire history shows the exact opposite. You’re clinging to crumbs and calling it affection. You like the way he behaves when he wants something from you, and you’re ignoring the fact that the second he gets it, he’ll vanish just like he does with every other girl he propositions.

He’s not boyfriend material. He’s not serious. He’s a walking red flag pretending to be harmless long enough to get what he wants. And if you stay, the ending is guaranteed you get attached, he gets sex, and you get discarded.

[Sally]

The problem here isn’t that he’s being sweet with you; it’s that his history doesn’t match his words. A guy who asks every girl at work to sleep with him doesn’t suddenly become Prince Charming. What he’s giving you now is attention, not depth.

And the “I’m broke” thing is just a way to avoid real dates. A man who wants something serious finds small ways to show it, even if money is tight. He wouldn’t only want hangouts in cars or on couches.

I’m not saying he’s lying about liking you. I’m saying he hasn’t shown anything that looks like real effort.

If you enjoy him, keep your heart light. But don’t build a future on sweet moments in parking lots. Guys who mean it always show it, not just say it.

[Member]

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