[confused_girl]

Hi April,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating a year now. Half a year ago he moved abroad for school-we have been in a long distance relationship ever since.

We have recently run into a sexual problem because of the distance. We still send each other flirty texts and e-mails, but there is still something lacking physically.

I revealed to him that I used to masturbate and view it as a healthy form of release of sexual tension. This was a particular intimate secret that I shared with him. However, he has expressed numerous times that he thinks it is something gross and self-centred-especially when one is already in a relationship. I have tried to see it his way, and have opted to stop masturbating on the fear that I would lose him.

He wants me to stop completely and just wait for when we see each other to satisfy our needs. He thinks that masturbation will cheapen our sexual experiences together. However, I am having a really hard time because we don’t see one another for months on end and the sexual tensions sometimes get to be too much. He is basically asking for me to stop my sexual drive while he is away.

Are we sexually incompatible? Or is it the distance? How can I get him to view that masturbation is a healthy form of release? Or should I just grin and bear it, hoping I can break this “bad habit” as he describes?

-confused

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, I don’t think you’ll be able to convince him of your own feelings towards masturbation, so stop trying. Second of all, you don’t have to talk to him any more about masturbation whether you do it or not. You’ve brought it up once. He reacted badly. Now, you can make that form of sexuality private again — between you and you. What you do with other people while in a committed relationship with him while he’s away, is his business. Your personal sex life you have with yourself is not.

[Author]

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