[sam_3h]

First I want to thank everyone working on this forum! It is a great way for lots of people to vent and seek advice!

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year now and we love each other very much. Of course, like every relationship, we had our ups and downs. When we started I didn’t show signs of commitment by avoiding her questions about the future. But gradually, I realized that she’s the love of my life and I want to spend every second with her until i die!

I was never jealous with her and I always trusted her. She was abit jealous in the beginning but I gave her no reason to be as we moved along. The one thing that we disagree and we get into arguments because of is politics! We are extremely different in thoughts about certain political issues. Anyhow, she left to the Middle East for a scholarship from the States Department a month ago. We promised that we talked to each other everyday but i understood that it wasn’t gonna happen so I gave her all the space she needed. I started to feel she’s ignoring me or avoiding me and when we actually talk, she talks about this “guy friend”!

Truth be told, I started to be very jealous and started questioning things between them. She said there was nothing, she swore there was nothing and i let it go. Then accidently I see a message from her to him saying that she wants to go to the beach with him and some other romantic stuff! When I confronted her with that she said it was nothing and that they were a group of ppl doing these things and not only both of them. Again, knowing that I love her so much I let it go.

She came back home a week ago and she seemed very distant. She asks me to leave her alone every now and then. She takes her Blackberry to the toilet (she never did that). On the other hand, she holds me tight to sleep every night, and she kisses me with love. One day her phone was next to my head while we were sleeping and it kept buzzing. So I looked at it and it was a bbm message from the same guy. It turns that she’s been talking to him all along and they’ve been flirting with each other saying stuff like “I woke up thinking about you today” when she was sleeping with me!

I flipped out and yelled at her and I really wanted to break up cuz i didnt do anything but loving her. Cutting the story short, we talked and I told her unless you cut your relationship with this guy immediately and indefinitely, I cant be with you. She said she needed time to think about it cuz she has a crush on him. After really painful and long argument, she agreed on sending him a msg saying that she’s not gonna talk to him anymore and she said she blocked him from bbm.

When I woke up in the morning I asked her if he sent anything during the night, she said no.. but I asked her to see the phone and I saw that he sent her some messages! We talked and argued again and she promised that she’s gonna tell me if he sends msgs or talk to her and that she was going to block him for real.

Last night I asked her if he sent anything and she said no.. If she blocked him and she said yes.. but then i look at the phone again and he wasn’t blocked but the convos are all empty which means she’s been deleting them.

I asked her questions about sending him emails and she lied saying that she “doesnt even have his email” but in fact she sent him emails. Earlier, she told me that she talked to a friend of both of them and explained what happened and the friend told her to hang on to me. I felt it was another lie and i called her on it so she kept covering lies up with lies.. I called all of the lies!

Again, I freaked out! I love her to death and I think I’ve been humiliating myself for her but she keep on lying to me! I cant trust her anymore and I dont know what to do! I dont want to humiliate myself anymore and I dont want to leave her cuz I truly love her! When I talk to her she tells me that I am being paranoid and a “psycho”! And she actually threatened to call the police on me if I kept bringing these arguments (I was staying in her house!)

I would have forgotten about the whole issue if she didn’t lie! I know lying is the worst thing in a relationship!

She finally came up to me and apologized for everything.. She just asked for forgiveness and she showed me that she blocked him from all or her lists (facebook, email, bbm…). She talked to me today and told me that she wants me forever too.. She said she was sorry.. I explained to her that I cant trust her and that I will probably be spying on her phone and emails for some time until she earns back my trust.. She said that I have the right to do so. She keeps telling me that I am her life and that she loves me.

Do you think I should be giving her one last chance? Mind you that I am one step below worshipping her!!

What tops the situation is that she’s gonna be gone for grad school in NYC in a month!!

I dont know what to do and this whole situation is driving me crazy.. I cant work.. I cant think of anything but if they are talking or not!

Please let me know what you think.. Am I really being a “psycho”?

I heard the guys opinion on this matter, but I need to hear a women’s opinion too! Please I need the help!

Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

You are reacting rather than responding. Reaction is impulsive. Response is measured and thoughtful. Not always easy to do when someone does something that provokes jealousy. But you [i]can[/i] stop reacting and withdraw from the situation to give yourself time to decide what is the best course of action for you to take. I don’t know what the definition of ‘psycho’ is, but certainly it’s no fun when someone lies to your face and it’s about their feelings for another person. Whether you are male or female, it feels really crummy. 🙁

Is it possible there have been other issues between you two that precipitated her interest or encouragement of someone else? Because that is what she’s done: introduce a third person into your relationship. You’ve heard of a love triangle? 😕

Lying is a hard one — it’s hard to trust the person afterwards.She lied to you on three different occasions, told you she liked someone else and, when you gave her an ultimatum (him or me), told you she had to think about it. 😕 Then she called you psycho. Now you say you can’t trust her anymore.

This relationship may have run its course and be over.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s pretty clear that she is lying to you, and that’s a deal breaker. You can’t be in a relationship with a liar, as you well know. Choose to end it for this reason. If you don’t, you’re going to be miserable (as your post suggests) from trying to control her, trying to get her to stop her behavior instead of changing yours, and never being able to trust her.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

[Member]

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