[SClark]

5 years ago I discovered my husband corresponding with prostitutes online. He had not met any of them so I agreed to work at the marriage and we moved on with the understanding that if anything similar happened then I would end the marriage. Now I have discovered that on an overseas work trip he kissed a colleague. It only did not go further because she did not want to – he would have slept with her if she agreed. He has then been emailing her ‘planning’ an affair – when they would meet etc…
When I confronted him, he immediately accepted that the marriage was over and started making practical arrangements for separation. This is despite him claiming to love me and to have been happy in the marriage.
I feel that I have to end the marriage because if I don’t then he will see me as a complete doormat and lose any respect for me. Also, I feel that because he has done this for no real reason other than weakness then it will happen again.
However, it seems such a shame to end what is basically a good marriage over this! We have two children who would be affected.

[Clara]

It sounds like you want to give it another shot, and if you can, I think you should, however…. your husband’s behavior isn’t happening in a vacuum. When men stray from a marriage it’s not all about them. They tend towards women who make them feel something they don’t get in the marriage. You have to try and figure out what that is and try to give it to him in the marriage, so he doesn’t go looking for it outside the marriage. Simply telling him not to do what he’s doing isn’t going to work. It’ll just result in more of the same. You’ve written a lot about what he’s done, but it would be interesting to know what changes you’ve made, and what changes you’ve made together. I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions. I’m happy to help.

[Member]

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