[gucci13]

hi i’m an Asian guy(south east Asian) and i have been in a relationship with an american girl(white) for 3 years now. well she comes to my country like 2-3 times a year to visit me. and two nights ago, she told me that her parents wanted to see me. i thought they just wanted to see me online but they actually wanted to see me for real..i think she already planned for this for a long time now because today i have received a plane ticket to go there. going there is not a problem..meeting her parents is the problem.

her dad was a university professor and her mom is a doctor of some-kind of field(while my gf is finishing her masters in psychology) as you can see they are a high achieving family. well me i finished fine arts while my single mom was a janitress..and my two younger sisters which is i’m currently supporting are both in college now…see the difference there? i think her family especially her dad will be disappointed if they see me..i just have this feeling that they were expecting a guy with something more..my girlfriend already told them things about me but you know people from 1st world environment doesn’t really know the real thing about ordinary people like me unless they see it firsthand. i’m expecting that if go there i’ll shrink especially when the question “what do you do for a living” comes out(i’m an illustrator of children’s books btw). i just have nothing to atleast impress them, and i don’t think my highschool and college scholarship counts..or my village award for catching a burglar.

honestly i’m somewhat scared a little bit.

[AskApril Masini]

It’s understandable that you’re scared. You’re risking their approval and it’s impact on your relationship. I get it. But…. you have to do it. And, you have to understand the differences between your family and hers aren’t bad ones. They’re just differences. You have a lot to be proud of. Earning a high school and college scholarship is impressive, and putting your siblings through college, yourself, is also very impressive and shows responsibility (fiscally and morally) as well as character. Your job as a children’s book illustrator is an interesting one, and having a job that you love is important. Your single mother did a good job raising you, and the fact that she took a job as a janitor shows that she did what she could — again, while it’s not a high paying or sophisticated job, it shows a moral character, responsibility and family values that her family should take note of. If they don’t, they don’t, but you won’t know until you meet them. Be honest and be yourself because you have a lot going for you. 😉

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[gucci13]

i guess you are right. i must do this…i think they are not bad people anyway because my girlfriend is really kind and understanding. And to her to be like that means that her parents are probably good parents.

i think i’m just scared of being always different, because when i was a kid we are really poor and studying in a private school(thanks to my scholarship) is like being a duck in group of swans. i remember my classmates back then were son’s and daughters of lawyers,doctors, politicians etc. and since they don’t like being friends with a boy like me, i was always sitting alone at the back of the class and drawing in my notebook. and i think those experiences really got into me, that’s why i’m like this when meeting this ‘sophisticated’ kind of people.

anyway my flight is tomorrow. i’ll post here what happened in our meeting may it be good or bad. to be honest i’m still anxious. i’m bringing some of the children’s books i’m worked on so that i can show it to them. good luck to me.

[AskApril Masini]

You are very self aware, and that’s great because it’s the most important step to healing and moving on. There is no short cut here, and you have to do the work of facing your fears. You can’t control other peoples’ behaviors or their reactions to you, but the more you put yourself out there — at social events where people come from all different walks of life, the more you will find that there may be many people who come from greater resources, but there are also many, many who come from less than what you have. You’re only looking at people who see you as having less. There are those who think you have more than what they do. It’s good to measure yourself against others, but only as a way to understand behavior and set your eye on the prize — not to paralyze yourself.

Good luck to you! 😀

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[gucci13]

Alright so here’s what happened 🙂 i don’t know if i handled it just fine but i did my best.

We had dinner in a fancy restaurant. and both of her parents were wearing glasses, and they look younger than their age seriously. then the dad started asking questions about me..like where did i grew up, studied, hobbies , past girlfriends(i actually don’t have any), bad habits, etc…

and his dad invited me outside, we talked about how life comes so fast and he gave me some advice..i really wanted to take notes but i will look weird. (his dad really gives excellent advises) and one of his words of wisdom was he’s going to beat the hell out of me if i cheat or hurt her daughter and i was cool with that, i even recommended him things that i will do to me if i go bad. and we laughed. he was a really cool guy, a very wise person and open minded.

i also talked to her mom, her mom was also a nice person to talk to, very supportive and she even asked me if they can help me support my sisters, but of course i said there is no need to and i can handle it, and its already a big help that their daughter is there for me when i feel down. she smiled and held my hands. but offering some help really touched me…if it wasn’t for the table between us i would have hugged her.

and its already 1am when we went home, my girlfriend took her parents home(its been 6 months since they last saw each other so i let them have some family time) i got back at my girlfriends house and i fell asleep on the couch..i think that event really drained my energy. and on the morning my gf woke me up for breakfast and she said to me that she was really happy and she told me it was her plan all along(i knew it :geek: ) and she was expecting that i’m not going to come because of my anxiety and she was even prepared for that.(she even have this plan to drag me from my tropical island to the US if she have to.) we are laughing the whole morning. and there i knew it..that i have made a good decision and that this girl, i think she’s the one. yes we are like miles apart but i will find a way that someday we are going to get together.

i really don’t know what her parents think about me, but basing on how my girlfriend was acting the day after we met her parents, i guess i’m in a good light. after my sister finished college i’m really going to cut that distance between us.

and thank you April for the excellent advice. your advice really put my feet on that plane..thank you again.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very, very welcome. I’m so glad my advice helped. It sounds like things could not have gone better. 🙂

You should be proud of yourself because you took the advice and did the hard work — and it paid off! 😀 😀

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