[tymoses]

I’ve been hooking up with a guy I met through a mutual friend for the past 2/3 months. We’ve had sex about twice, but have hung-out in a group or otherwise a handful of times. We’ve never really discussed the status of our relationship, but I can feel myself, slowly, but surely falling for him. I like having him around, and he just does silly little things that make me laugh, and make me genuinely like him, but based on past experience, I don’t want to invest myself into something that might not be what I thought it was.

Sexually, everything is perfect. I honestly feel comfortable around him, and I do things with him I haven’t otherwise done with other guys. Although, I can never really tell where we stand outside of the bedroom. Prior to our last encounter, I invited him to a friend’s place and they were all just wrapped around the TV playing Mario Cart, (I don’t really have a lot of female friends. My best-friend is a guy. It has nothing to do with preference over either gender, but a lot of my social anxiety comes from bullying I got from females in middle school and high school) and I don’t know if he meant to make me jealous, but he just randomly dropped how a girl texted him the other night offering him a hand job. I kind of ignored the conversation after that, because he wasn’t giving me any attention, and I felt attacked in a way being that these were my friends, and they probably knew we were hooking up, and I was jealous and embarrassed so I overcompensated by being a lot more affectionate with my male friends. And, we left each other that night with a really passive-aggressive hug. I know it’s immature, but I don’t know how to act with boys, and I especially know nothing about relationships.

Now, the last time we spent time together, he opted to not have sex, which we usually do, and instead watch a movie on Netflix with his friend and our mutual friend, where we held hands, and cuddled, and kissed. It was really strange because earlier in the night,, he was being overtly affectionate and play protective, and I’ve never really seen that side of him. He texted me the night after that he was “sad he couldn’t stay over.” And, me, being the emotion sleuth, responded that it was fine and that I was tired anyway, rather than telling him that I too was sad.

I don’t know if I’m reading into things, but I think I do like him, though I never really showcase it because I’m shy and nervous around him, and I don’t really text or call him back, for those very reasons, not because I don’t like him. I have social anxiety, so it’s hard for me to share my feelings, and I would really appreciate advice on what to do, if anything.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old you, so I’m going to guess that you’re in your late teens or early 20s — and I appreciate your admission that you don’t have a lot of experience with men. I can help you! 🙂

First of all, when you hook up with a guy instead of[i] dating[/i] him, you’re setting yourself up for a lack of commitment. Lots of women hook up with guys because they think that sex means love or even caring. It doesn’t. When guys have sex with you, it’s usually because they’re ready and you’re willing. But if you [i]date[/i] a guy — someone who wants to take you out and show you a really good time and impress you instead of just hooking up and hanging out — there’s a lot better chance that he wants to get to know you and have a real relationship with you. I think you really want a romantic relationship, not a hook up, so you should focus on dating, not hooking up if that’s what you want.

This guy sent you a giant clue that he wasn’t that interested in you when he said, in front of your friends, that he got a text from a woman offering him a sexual favor. It’s understandable that you were hurt. But it all happened so fast for you, that you didn’t have a chance to really think about what he was doing when he said that. He meant to hurt you by saying that. 😥 He felt that you were introducing him to your friends, and in relationships, that means a deeper level of intimacy, and he didn’t want that — so he tried to push you away by announcing he had other offers from other women. It was crude, and it was meant to be, so it would send a message 😕 You were hurt, but instead of acting hurt, you acted out by flirting with the other guys in the room. It’s okay for you to be hurt, and feel hurt — and know that when you don’t acknowledge that hurt, and instead act out with other behavior, you’re complicating things, and making it harder for you to figure out what’s going on. Instead of taking in his message, you continued to see him. The problem is that when you keep seeing a guy who treats you like that, you’re sending him a message that you’re okay being treated badly. 😳

My advice is to keep your life a little simpler, by being clear about what you want, and honing in on what you feel. When you do, you’ll be able to not behave in ways that complicate and create drama. You’ll also start realize that you want a guy who treats you nicely and wants to take you and impress you — as well as to have a sexual relationship. 🙂

I hope that helps. If you want more advice that you can go to easily, you’re welcome to buy [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], a book I wrote for women who want to win with men. I think it will help you. 😉 Here’s the link: [url]https://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[tymoses]

Thank you so much for the response. 🙂 Your answer is really making it easier to see things more objectively. I never really considered him being so crude as his way of telling me he wasn’t interested.

I will say though, I never invited him to meet my friends: he already knew them from previous encounters, and actually, at that time, invited himself over under the impression of him wanting to hang out with my best friend.

Thank you for the advice! I really appreciate it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 😀

And I’m sorry if I misread your post — if you didn’t introduce him to your friends, and instead, since he already knew them, used the moment in front of them to announce that he had other offers, you should probably still ask yourself why he said it at all, as well as why he said it in front of them. It’s not the kind of thing you say when you want to win someone over, or make her friends think that you’re a great guy. 😕 It was a passive aggressive move to create a dynamic in the relationship that wasn’t in your best interest, or frankly, his, either. 😳

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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