[jen]

Hi April,
After two years my boyfriend is not interested in having sex with me. I’ve tried to talk to him about it several times, letting him know how much it bothers me and how upset I am over it. We’ve tried to improve this through communication, and there might be sex that night if I’m lucky, but after that, nothing. It gets me more and more frustrated every time. We just start arguing more about it, and it had led to other issues….it just seems to make our relationship suffer more and more.
I don’t have a ring on my finger, and I don’t think there’s one in sight in the near future. Should I give up the constant battle and find someone who is attracted to me, who gives me the attention I need? Or should I keep trying, painstakingly, to salvage the relationship with the man I’m madly in love with?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you have two issues here. If you are having a genuine problem with sex in your relationship, then the solution has to do with sexuality and communication.

However, if you’re really just frustrated that your boyfriend hasn’t proposed marriage after a two year relationship, and doesn’t seem likely to, then any problem in the relationship — whether it’s sex, his family, how much or little he works, how much money he makes, how lazy or energetic he is — is going to bother you because you’re going to misplace your anger there rather than where it belongs: he hasn’t proposed marriage.

So, it’s up to you to decide what to deal with the lack of sex in your relationship or the lack of commitment. My advice is that you deal with the latter. If a man wants to marry you, you’ll know it way before 2 years into a relationship because he’ll propose. Since your boyfriend hasn’t, I don’t think he’s going to easily or willingly or soon.

If you have to “painstakingly salvage” a relationship to a man you’re “madly in love with” when nothing traumatic has happened between the two of you or to either one of you, then maybe you need to rethink what and who it is that you’re madly in love with, because I don’t think that person is there any more.

I hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

Leave him, Do not waste another minute of your time. You should be thanking your lucky stars that you have found out how he is before you made a mistake and ended up in a sexless marriage. If he truly loved you and cared about you, he would do whatever it took to make you happy. He has a problem. It is not you. He obviously has a hormone imbalance or psychological problem and/or possibly a physical problem. You deserve a man who wants to take care of these problems and make things work with you. You do not want to be married to this man. You are not happy and being married to him will not make you happy, I agree with the earlier post, he is not the person you fell in love with. Don’t waste your time with the wrong man because its stopping you from being with the right man . You deserve a happy healthy relationship. I know its hard to leave someone when you love them, but you have to love yourself first.

P.s. I am speaking from experience, after I left him, he went to the doctor and found out that he was low on testosterone and got on gel therapy. Now he wants to have sex and be marrried but I have already moved on and can’t forget that cold man that I lived with for so many years. I wasted so much time trying to fix our relationship, it makes me sick. Now I have someone who can’t keep his hands off if me, who makes me feel good about myself and talks about how he can’t wait to marry me!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That’s 2 of us who think you should move on! 😉

[Member]

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