[Dan83]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half. I really do love her, and care about her. She’s brought up wanting to move in together. We’re both fairly young…in our mid 20s.

I have my reservations because I feel like I’m just starting out in life after college with a new career, and trying to find myself. And I feel that some independence is good for that. There are times where I just like coming home to my own place and having a night to myself. But there are many other times where I absolutely love sleeping with my girlfriend and waking up with her…and feel like I could definitely do that on a regular basis.

I get conflicting advice on this. “Don’t move in man! It’ll be a mistake 6 months down the road and living with someone means a REALLY bad, painful break-up.” OR, “Yeah, you love her…and enjoy being with her…it’ll be a new way for you to grow with someone and form a deeper relationship.”

My thing is, if I don’t do it because I’m worried there could be negative consequences…then I’ll potentially miss out on a really great experience. The people who say “Don’t do it!” have already done it themselves…so they’ve had the experience. It’s easy for them to say “NO!” because they know what it’s like based on their own experiences. I’ve never had the experience of living with a girlfriend. Maybe it would be good for me to have the experience, so it could be another way for me to grow into a man…and if it doesn’t work out…well then at least I’ve had the experience, and all experiences (if they don’t kill you) really do give you more wisdom.

However, is it wrong to move in with someone just to have the experience? I don’t want to use anyone for an “experience.” But at the same time…if I’m honest with myself, there is a part of me that’s not ready to spend the rest of my life with one person. I never really had a “wild” period in my life. I still at some point would like to date other people…to get it out of my system…to see what else is out there…which itself is an experience too. Because then you meet people who say, “Yeah I’ve been out there and had a wild time…but in the end, you just feel empty. Stick with the person you love now.” But then again, they’ve had the “what’s out there” experience…so they can say that.

Anyway…I’m just very confused about it all. My girlfriend would like to move in together when my lease is up…but I’m not sure at the moment, because of the above reasons.

One part of me wants the experience of exploring my love with another person while living together…because, well, I think I’d grow from it…and, well, it’d be fun to live with her.

The other part of me wants to continue having a bachelor pad…and live on my own for a while longer, and maybe even date other people at some point…just because I never really had the experience of dating girls when I was in highschool. college, early 20s. I feel like I’m a late bloomer in that department…outside of a long-term girlfriend I had while I was in college.

Anyway, what’s your advice for me?

Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t do it. You’re very clear about what you want for yourself. If you move her in with you because she wants it and you’re only about fifty percent on board, but are willing to go along, you’re going to be resentful when there are bumps in the road (at best) and bitter if things don’t go well and you feel trapped.

People are ready for different things at different times in life and there is no right or wrong, but there IS compatibility. If moving in with a boyfriend is a deal breaker for your girlfriend (you mentioned negative consequences if you don’t agree), then you’re not compatible and the relationship has run it’s course.

You’re very self aware and your feelings are age appropriate. Trust your instincts and take care of yourself here. If you’re with the right woman at the right time, you’ll both be on the same page.

I hope that helps. 😀 Let me know how things go and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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