[aman mathur]

Hi! I am aman 25yrs old guy . I had never been in serious relationship in past. I am studying in medical college and l never felt any need to be in relationship with any girl in my college because of career pressure.

There was a girl in my batch who was interested in me…we had good friendship bt never took her that way but i liked her and she never said anything about love till we finished our graduation. Then after completing graduation here in india we have to clear an entrance exam for postgraduation which is very tough exam…so she cleared it in first attempt but I couldn’t. .she got obstetrics in very good college and we got separated..I gave my next whole year for its preparation. ..during that year she tried to contact me but I always found ways to avoid her as I wanted to concentrate on my studies..

Then my last exam was in december 2012..she called me after that as knew the dates of exam..we talked about regular stuffs n all..

Then on 8th feb i.e. on propose day she called me..she asked about my future plannings and about our relationship. She said she want to marry me as she was settled and so would I after my results ( results of my exams are not declared yet)..said my results hardly matters for her as she has got good branch and would earn enough for both of us…..reasons she gave me why she wants to marry me were
1) she likes me
2) she want to live near her mothers house after marriage (as we both have our home in same city)

She wanted a commitment from me and she was ready to wait for 2-3 years more for marriage..her parents are talking with many families for her marriage..she wants me to ask her parents about her marriage and to convince them..

Now about me….from past 1 year i never thought of any girl ..and i dont have intense feelings for her too..I replied to her- i am waiting for my results …its too early and I need time…..I told her eveything , about my current feelings for her , or about any girl..
She said she will wait till my results then she want answer…

I am totally confused now…by nature she is a bit aggressive and I am opposite to her, never had issues with anyone..I don’t know how compatible our match is…..and yes I am little bit jealous…because she cleared that exam and I dont…l like her but its not like I will die for her etc etc…..I don’t know what to say when she will ask again after declaration of my results……l feel like if I somehow get an average branch then she would act like boss in family..I don’t know but still I have male ego…and I admit that she has more IQ than me…

Hey please help me….whole day I think about her…our future…I couldn’t say no at that time cause I felt that I have some feelings for here ..its just her and no girl else I have that little feeling right now..

Kindly tell me what should I do

[AskApril Masini]

Trust your instincts. 😉 She is very aggressive and you’re uncomfortable with her success so far (compared to your own) and you want to feel successful and not competitive. You also want to feel like you’re supporting your family and aren’t second fiddle in a marriage. In fact, you probably want to feel like you’re the one asking the girl out on a date, proposing marriage, and making decisions that men usually make. Right? If you answered yes, you’re like most men.

This woman isn’t really interested in YOU. She’s interested in who she thinks you are, and is less interested in your feelings than her own plans.

My advice is to say no. If you have feelings for her and want to spend some time with her and date her, but you need to take the reigns on the relationship and be in charge. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself, and you’ll get to find out if you like her enough to continue dating her that way. 😉

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[aman mathur]

Thanx for ur advice… 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome, and good luck!

🙂

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[aman mathur]

Hi….again I want ur help..

As u said previously to date with I did..everything was going fine. I actually started liking her more. Then after few days my friends told me that I was the fourth one to whom she proposed for marriage. Last 3 people refused her proposal because of her family background. I was shocked. Her family is very aggressive n they dont talk to her younger sister as she got married against their will.. I thought its was all ok if she liked me…

Then after few days she told me that everything was going well between us as she planned things well and fall in any emotional stuff..she said she never loved anyone though she like me little bit. I asked her why she proposed me ..she replied we both have perfect future with each other. We r compatible to each other . So we should live with each other . N yes she accepted she asked other men too..but worked out well like ours.

Now I feel like its just me who like her.. she is just seeing her good future with me…there are no emotions..I am feeling bad now..I dont want huge amount of money but a happy life…plz tell me what should I do…

[AskApril Masini]

Here’s what I wrote to you two months ago:

[quote]This woman isn’t really interested in YOU. She’s interested in who she thinks you are, and is less interested in your feelings than her own plans. [/quote]

I think this observation and advice still stands. This is who she is. You may like her, but she is very aggressive and she was looking for a marriage with you before really getting to know you. Now, you find out that you’re not the only one she’s proposed to — and given what you’ve written here — that’s not a big surprise.

I think you should find someone else to date who is more interested in you, personally, and less in you as a social tool. 😉

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