[aeris85]

Okay, here is my problem: I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a man I love very much and we got married at the beginning of November. on our wedding night, a random phone number texted me photos of him dressed in women’s panties along with a screencap of an ad he posted on Craigslist under m4m! I was shocked but we talked about it civilly, it was from March of this year and he claimed that it was a one-time thing and he barely remembered doing it as he was drunk at the time. I didn’t believe this for a second and I continued pressing him for more information, which he reluctantly gave in snippets over the next two weeks.

Finally after a Saturday night of drinking where he actually asked me if we could get a man over to our house right then so he could perform oral sex on a stranger, I kind of freaked out and demanded the passwords to his email accounts. He tried to delete the incriminating details but I was able to recover almost everything. Turns out he’s been soliciting sex from strange men on Craigslist for over 7 years, longer than I’ve known him, and the entire time we have been in a relationship he has been going behind my back. He was even looking on the night of our wedding after I had gone to sleep!!! Some women as well but mostly men. Hundreds of emails. I moved out of the house immediately. I am now staying at my parents and he is in therapy (I was already in therapy but I do fear my counselor is not objective since I’ve been seeing her for so long)… he is also not drinking at all anymore (or so he says). we were only married for about 2 weeks when I found all this out.

He claims he will never do this again, he will spend the rest of his life bettering himself to be worthy of my love, etc etc. I do love him. My family of course despises him and everyone I know is not even humoring the idea that we would possibly stay together, and I’m getting a lot of pressure from my family to file divorce papers. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I want to trust that he’s getting better, that he has a problem, but I can’t because he was such an expert liar the entire time I have known him (he could be lying right now!).. we changed his cell phone number and got him a non-smart phone with no data plan (part of him proving to me that he isn’t doing this anymore).

We have no children, and although we were planning on buying the house we lived in after the wedding we did not start anything with a mortgage. So, we have very few if any real attachments. I am 30 and he is 29. Should I stick around to try and salvage this and help with his treatment in therapy, or should I cut my losses and walk away?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You should go.

This problem isn’t going to go away, and the solutions you’ve come up with may make you feel better, but that’s because you’re fooling yourself. You’re very lucky you’ve ONLY invested 3 years in this. Luckily, you don’t have property or kids. Time to move on. I agree with your family.

[Member]

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