[xsoopastar]

Hi…so I am 22 years old and I am dating a guy who is 30 years old. I met him about 4 months ago and we have been dating since. We are not in a “relationship” because we both got out of rough relationships before we met each other. However, we get along great, we speak at least 3 times a day over the phone but we only get to see each other once a week because we have different schedules. He owns a bar and he is also in school. I am currently interning and going back to school in the fall for my final year. We have both expressed how we do see each other together in a relationship but since we both have hectic schedules it would be hard. I feel that we have been seeing each other for so long and I wonder if we are just getting comfortable being stuck here. I stay over his house, I have met mother and his siblings. I just wonder if by now he should be in love? We had a conversation this weekend about our relationship and we talked about love, he said that when he is in love everyone can tell, he said that I’d know. I was fine with that answer but I feel like its been a few months and we spend a lot of time getting to know each other and I would hate for him to just get comfortable here and us not move forward. We have the best time together and we have had our arguments but we always seem to end up on the same page after all. I am thinking that maybe since we don’t see each other that often its hard to just be in a relationship. We were seeing each other more often for the first month but then we changed it because he felt we were moving too fast as did. I am just not sure if I am expecting too much too soon or if we are just really getting stuck here. He is leaving this coming weekend on vacation for about a week and I will be leaving in August for about a week and a half. I am not sure how I should react if he does not call or if I should call when I leave? I know this is a lot! But I really care about him and I am just afraid that we might get stuck here. We always talk about spending more time together, and going places and I am just wondering if that’s all we can be ? I guess I am not sure what to think since we both had the mine set of just letting things happen and we both agree that we can not really control our feelings. But I do want to see more urgency from him in terms of our current relationship.

[Ask April Masini]

Your instincts are absolutely correct. You’re definitely too comfortable with each other too soon. Your job as the woman in the relationship is to create the sense of urgency that you’re wanting from him. The way to do this is to give him something to chase. If you let him catch you too soon and too often, where’ s the urgency going to come from? You’ll have killed it.

I think you’d really do well to get my book, Think & Date Like A Man. You can click on the Dating Advice Books link above, and order the book there. It would be PERFECT reading for your week’s vacation — although if you can read it sooner, you’ll benefit more quickly.

The balancing act for you is to pull back without setting up alarm bells for him that there’s something wrong in the relationship. Be careful not to get angry at him. What you should do is make yourself seem desirable and worth his chasing after. Don’t be so available. But at the same time, flirt with him. Make him want you enough to pursue you. He should feel like a real man when he gets the prize, which is you! And the only way he’s going to feel that way is if you give him something worth winning — and that would be you and your attentions.

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