[Jan3Says]

My boyfriend and I have a very complicated history spanning over the last five years. So I will try to sum this up quickly… We started dating when I was 18 and he was 22. He comes from a good, caring, loving family… They’ve always accepted and loved me. They even took me in after knowing me only a few months when my home life became intolerable. We lived in seperate bedrooms. His parents are very religious. And even though I am 23 and he is 27 they believe we have never had sex. We both think in their heart of hearts they know that we have as they have caught us in a compromising situation a time or two. Anyways, we lived together only about two years, we became engaged, I broke things off and moved out. I was then in the position to get my own apartment. He and I have dated off and I, mostly breaking up over pride and petty issues. We have recently come to the decision that we know now how to communicate and be in a mature adult relationship. He has also decided he wants to move to a foreign country to explore an opportuntiny within his career and has asked me to join him. Personally, I think we should live together for a year or so here first and see how that goes. He thinks it is a good idea (he is even okay with waiting a year) and that it makes sense, but is concerned about his parents feelings. They have always considered me to be part of the family and I no sooner want to hurt them. However, I want to explore our relationship further and continue to grow and mature together. I would love to live with him and am so excited at the prospect. What should we do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like he doesn’t want to live together in the same country where his parents will know you’re living together and having sex. Unless he’s willing to do this, I don’t think you have a living together situation. It’s really his call.

[Jan3Says]

I guess I wasn’t clear, and for that I apologize. He and I both want to live together, but we are both concerned we will alienate his parents who have done so much for us. If I told him I was okay with doing that I’m sure he would start packing. I was hoping to get advice as to what I should do in this situation.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you and your boyfriend want to live together, but you’re afraid of offending his traditional parents, then the best thing you can do is to talk to them and show respect, but balance it with separation and independence. This is always hard when parents and adult children don’t see eye to eye, but if they love you both, and are open minded enough to know that the two of you live a more modern life, they may not give you too hard of a time. Whenever children break away or do things differently than parents there’s a chance for discord. Accept that. And do the right thing for the two of you.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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