[lina2016]

I feel perplexed about the situation with my boyfriend, with whom I got back together after 7 years. When I first dated him 7 years ago, we broke up but stayed friends. He was looking for a temporary 2month accommodation in London and my sister was looking for a flatmate, so I offered him as a tenant. Since then, they became really good friends and even when he moved out after 2 months they kept meeting up on a regular bases , because they were ,,good friends”, as they both said. Few months ago we decided to try getting back together, however, even though I thought I would be able to ignore this friends situation with my sister, I cannot stand it. I don’t think it is normal they text each other with their daily updates and meet up without me. I expressed to both of them how I feel, but after it my sister only started hiding her continuous communication with my boyfriend , while he’s pretending he doesn’t understand he;s doing something wrong, because they are only good friends with my sister. Tell me if I’m wrong, but in my opinion, my boyfriend needs to be my best friend, not my sister’s best friend. Moreover, I don’t trust my sister on this, in the past, she has flirted a lot with men I was dating, so I’m sure she’s aware of what she’s doing now as well.

[AskApril Masini]

Men and women can’t be friends, and it was a mistake for you to suggest that your boyfriend and your sister share an apartment as roommates. 😕 They wouldn’t be the first couple who met as platonic roommates and became more than that — although it isn’t clear how much more. But that’s over and done with — just learn from that mistake. 😉

Now that you and your boyfriend are back together again after a break up, you’ve got competition — and it’s your sister. And it sounds like she has a history and a pattern of competing with you for men, so rather than try and thwart her, which will just cause her to become more covert, and probably make the challenge more interesting for her, don’t put any attention or energy onto her, and put the energy and attention you have into the relationship with your boyfriend. The reality is that the world is full of competition, and whether it’s your sister, a secretary, his accountant or a stranger on a bus, you will have competition. Dial up your A game, and make the relationship one he doesn’t want to leave. If you try and give him ultimatums, or banish her from contacting him, you’ll lose out and spend a lot of energy doing so. Instead, focus on what’s good between the two of you and be the girlfriend he doesn’t want to upset or risk losing. 🙂

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any more questions.

[Member]

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