[skylarr]

So two summers ago, I dated this guy “casually,” but it ended up being really intense. I ended things when I left for college in the fall (he goes to school at home) because it seemed like the right thing to do and I wanted to explore my options. However, we basically were still going out, he still talked to me all the time and tried to visit whenever possible and sent me thoughtful packages. And whenever I was home for break, we hung out as much as possible. I casually dated someone at school, and he found out later and was upset even though we agreed not to tell each other about other people. It was just the one person and nothing serious, but he never dated anybody. During the summer, we basically picked up where we left off but at some party I made out with some guy and he saw and since then acted weird. I didn’t really pick up on it at the time, but it definitely makes sense now. However, he never mentioned any problem or tried to confront me about anything. I started wanting to get together officially while he seemed to be pulling away, and neither of us really communicated about any of this. Then when the summer ended and I got back to school, it was completely different from my first year of college. He rarely texted me, took forever to respond, and when I asked about visited, he said he didn’t know when/if he could. All of this was a big red flag and I talked to him about defining our relationship and he said he wanted to continue our “open relationship” even though last year, our “open relationship” had basically been committed. So i just told him that was fine but we owed it to each other to communicate if we start seeing other people (because i was afraid he was pulling away because he had found someone else). a few days later, the weirdness continued and when i texted him about it, he said he was talking to someone else but that it had only been a few days and he didn’t know if it was anything. i freaked out and said we should just end things, and he seemed to be very upset and not want that at all. a few days later, i flip-flopped and realized i was just trying to sort of punish him for hurting him, but now he didn’t want to go out. i went home one weekend and tried to talk things out, but didn’t really get anywhere because he just kept saying he was confused about everything and “didn’t know.” He said he loved me, but didn’t want to go out, but still had feelings for me, but it would be rude to end things with this other girl, and a few other things–being friends, being best friends, having an open relationship. So i had/have no idea what he wants. In the end, he hugged me and said “i love you” and texted me later saying he was happy we got to talk and see each other. We haven’t communicated at all since then.

Does this mean he wants to be broken up, but didn’t want to say it and have me hate him? Does this mean he needs a break to trust me again? Is it just because he doesn’t have time for me or anyone else (I know he’s been really busy)?

Are we over or should I not give up hope?

This is my first and only long, serious relationship and it’s been super confusing and messy, but I’m so glad it happened. I have no interest in anyone else and I know I made a lot of mistakes–we both did–and I just don’t know if this is something to work through or just to learn from for next time. I definitely think we could both use time to mature and work on ourselves, I’m just afraid of losing him. I don’t understand what he wants or where we stand. Should I give him space? Should I be the loving, super affectionate person he was to me while I figured things out last year? Should I just move on completely? Please help!

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Member]

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