[Cattaleya13]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 11 months now. His older & 11 yrs ahead of me, so his more mature than me.The issue I have with him right now, Is he most like 90% of the time never keeps his promises or his word. I understand that as a human being we can’t keep up with everything and do everything we want to do, but there’s a fine line to that, to what I believe. I would ask him to do something, or mybe try something, tell him stuff that really bothers me that he does, he promises something on his own that I never asked. And I find that most of time he’ll say of course he’ll do it, he’ll say yes, he promises it will happen, but my problem is he’ll say yes but for the next weeks or month no progress. I try to remind him in a nice way , mybe he forgot about it because he was busy then he’ll say okay this time for sure. So I trust his word and leave the subject and go on with life. But then I see no progress for weeks or months I think to myself why does it happen to constantly. To the point I tell him my heart is wavering and my trust because I don’t want to be angry and mad but these actions I see happening are causing me to feel extremely sad and no importance to him. I did tell him my heart breaks every time I see no results, progress, or no effort at all. What drives me insane to the point I get so mad is he tells me why I’m being paranoid, and I’m young why am I so fixated to making things happen. He says he doesn’t understand my point. I’ve tried to explain in so many different ways, reading so many different books,blogs, articles just to find the right phrase to tell that will get to him, he mostly speaks Spanish and I don’t, so I tried even to translate in his language in a letter so he would have a deeper understanding but still no luck. I feel such a lost case, that my feelings and heart are being thrown to the side. He proposed to me to get married but I said No due to the issue we have I am scared that this issue will never be resolved even when we get married. He always tells me he loves me, his sweet, and caring, but when it comes to his word and promises , why is it that he doesn’t see it affects my trust and feelings for him???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can understand why you’re upset. It’s very frustrating when you ask for something, are told you’l get it, and don’t. 🙄 This has nothing to do with the age gap between you. When a man says one thing and does another, and it happens over and over again, you should pay attention to his behavior — not his words. They’re the more important indicator of his feelings and character. What you are slowly accepting is that this is who he is, and you don’t like it. Lots of people love each other, but are incompatible, and feelings of romance and lust don’t help you through a long term relationship when you can’t count on someone or don’t feel respected by him. Your fear that he won’t change is well founded. I don’t think he will, either.

As sad as you are that he isn’t who you want him to be, the best thing you can do is to move on. Eventually, he will become demoralized that he’s disappointing you — if you stay. It’s difficult to part when you love each other, but if you don’t see yourself having a long-term relationship with him, and you turned down the proposal for a clear reason, you need to stop being frustrated by letting go and finding someone who is more compatible with you. There are lots of men out there who do do what they say they will and who show up when they say they will. You have to find one. 😉

If you have any more questions, please ask. 🙂

[Member]

Posts