[Hurtwife]

Last Sunday, Mother’s Day, was also my 60th birthday. On the day before, my husband of 10 years, took me to the kitchen to show me a dozen roses in the plastic wrap, that he had purchased. He had stuck them in a pitcher. His only words to me were these are for you and they are going to need some attention. The next day, my birthday, he left a birthday card and a mother’s day card in the kitchen for me to find. He made no other mention of my birthday until about 2 hours later when he noticed I was not talking to him. He asked what was wrong. I told him I was very disappointed that he did not put an effort into making my birthday special. He said I got you flowers. I said that was yesterday, not my birthday, He said I had to get them before Farm fresh sold out. He has not mentioned my birthday since then and it is now 5 days later. I am angry, hurt, feel totally unloved and can hardly stand to look at him. I can’t seem to let this go and move on and truthfully would not know what to say to him if he wanted to make things right. What should I do

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you’ve been married for ten years, you’ve had other birthdays and Mother’s Days with him already. I wonder if this is the first time you’ve been disappointed in the way he celebrated those two holidays. If it is, then something must be going on [i]beneath[/i] the surface. A lot of times couples fight about issues that have nothing to do with the real hurt. In fact the classic fight over his not taking out the garbage is hardly EVER about the garbage! So figure out what the real problem is.

However, if you’ve been disappointed every year for ten years in the way your husband is celebrating your birthday, an easy way to fix that problem is to help him understand what you’d really like. Husbands aren’t mind readers, and while it would be nice if he was more interested in giving you a nice day, he didn’t do nothing. A dozen roses and a card are more than some husbands or boyfriends come up with. In fact, consider that maybe his birthday doesn’t get celebrated exactly the way HE wants it to, but he hasn’t said anything to you about it.

Use this opportunity to let him know what you’d really like for your birthday, and ask him what he’d really like for his. Sometimes the best birthdays require a little guidance in the planning. He may not know that what you’d really like to do is have a picnic by the lake or an overnight in a hotel. Or maybe you’d like to use your next birthday to go shopping with him and pick out your present on the day of.

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter. 😀

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