[goeringjourney]

Joe and I have been dating for 7 years. crazy because we’re young! after our graduation we moved in together. that’s when we started having relationship issues regarding communication and intimacy. I have a condition that makes sex painful (making this hard.) We worked on it for a long time. decided to not live together anymore, soon after he told he couldn’t continue because of the stress. he told me our door wasn’t ever closed &that we would talk it through when i was ready. it was heartbreaking. After a bit of healing&learning I sent him a message to talk. it was a wonderful talk. we continued our relationship moving forward. it’s been 6 months since! we took a huge step back since we’re so young and the relationship is just fun, casual & we know there’s a end goal to be together.
we’ve also made huge progress with sex!
bout a month ago i had a rough day. joe was hanging out w his friends, it really upset me that he wasn’t going to do anything about it to help in the moment. overall i was being stubborn. i really upset him by doing this.
the problem is that this was an issue in the past &even though i fixed it then, joe built resentment causing the breakup
he is ALSO stressed with work (he just got a new job, doesn’t start yet) he is stressed w his roommates, all the housework, his dog &behavioral issues, etc. he never really has handled stress well..
the other day he told me he is worried about us (same issue in the past) he told me he’s stuck at what to do because he’s wishy washy, but he wants to be with me, he’s happy with us but he’s under stress &isn’t sure what he wants in life?i told him to take a week and do his own thing to reground himself. the past breakup seemed to help give him space to be alone and with his own thoughts.
hopefully he realizes that he’s just stressed &overwhelemd. but what if the friend thing is hurting him still? i don’t know what to expect when we talk? i want it to work. what do you think?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the best thing you can do for the relationship is to try and lighten up to take the pressure off of the relationship and off of him. With the new job, roommates, this relationship — there’s a lot going on. Try to focus on maybe seeing him a little less often, to give him time to miss you, and when you do see him, keep it happy and upbeat. Do nice things for him, so he understands you’re empathetic to what he’s going through. Give him little gifts, bake him cookies, send him love notes and funny jokes. And try to focus on the fun, and not the pressure of being in a relationship. If he feels too stressed in his life, he’s going to try and alleviate that stress by reducing things that worry him — like the relationship. So, for now, keep it light and upbeat. Be empathetic and fun. And balance the relationship with your own individual lives. You’re both going into your 20s and there is a lot happening for both of you. Don’t pressure yourselves and each other. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need more.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh, honey, I get it. Relationships can be so messy, especially when you’re young, and life throws so much at you. But you’ve already done the hard part by talking things
through and being open. Stress and all the other stuff Joe’s juggling it’s heavy. I mean, seriously, trying to balance everything and keep a relationship going? It’s no wonder he’s feeling lost. But here’s the thing sometimes space is the best thing you can give someone to figure things out. I know it’s scary, but if you’re clear about your needs and he’s honest about his, you might just find a way forward. And don’t forget he’s lucky to have someone like you who’s willing to put in the effort. It’s not easy, but if you keep talking, you might get through it.

[Sally]

When someone you love starts pulling back, it’s hard not to spiral. From what you said, it sounds like Joe’s drowning in his own stuff, work, stress, life, and that makes everything else feel heavier. I don’t think it’s really about the friend thing. Sometimes when people feel out of control in one part of life, they start questioning everything, even love.
You did the right thing giving him space. Let him sit with his own thoughts. If he wants to keep building something real, he’ll come back calmer. If he doesn’t, you’ll still be okay. You already know how to stand on your own. Just breathe through it for now.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl… 7 years? that’s like 3 lifetimes in dating years 😭 sounds like you’re doing all the emotional heavy lifting while he’s on his “figuring things out” era. the friend thing might’ve hurt, sure, but if one bad day breaks everything again, that’s not stress, that’s avoidance.

you did right giving him space, but don’t sit around waiting to be “realized.” you’re not a lesson, you’re the main character. if he comes back clear-headed, cool. if not, let him stay lost, you’ve got better places to be i’m telling you. 💅

[Ethan Morales]

This sounds less like “we had a fight” and more like “Joe is overwhelmed and his go-to move is to check out.” That’s normal for some people, but it’s not something you should have to constantly absorb without clear reciprocity. You’ve both done real work before (huge points for that), and you’ve made progress especially around the sex stuff so there’s a reason to hope. But hope isn’t a plan.
Do the week you agreed to. Give him the space, no chasing, no guilt texts, no trying-to-win-him-back moves. Use that time to center yourself: friends, therapy, things that make you grounded. If his stress is what’s breaking him, distance will show whether absence helps him think or just lets him drift.
When you talk after the week, be specific and short don’t rehash feelings into a rinse-repeat argument. Ask him directly:
• “Do you want us to keep building this, or do you feel like you need a longer break?”
• “Are you willing to do one concrete thing to reduce the stress that’s pushing you away (therapy, clearer chores, fewer nights with roommates, help with the dog)?”
Say it like this: “I want this to work. If you want it too, we need small, real changes so you don’t keep checking out when life gets hard. Can you do that?”
Red flags to watch for: he agrees now but keeps “wishy-washy” language and no real follow-through; he lets resentment stack instead of talking about it; or he repeatedly leaves when stressed without trying to fix the pattern. If that’s the case, you’re not in a partnership you’re in a cycle where you’re expected to absorb the fallout. That won’t end well long-term.
If he shows up and is willing to take concrete steps (even small ones) great. Celebrate progress, not perfection. If he doesn’t, protect yourself: slow the emotional investment and decide what you’ll accept moving forward. You’ve already proven you can communicate and heal; don’t give that work away to someone who won’t meet you halfway.

[Heart Whisperer]

Oh honey, I can feel how much you care for him in every word you wrote. Seven years is a long time, especially when you’ve grown up together, shared milestones, and built so much history. What you’re going through isn’t just about him or you, it’s about two people learning how to evolve without losing each other in the process.

From what you described, Joe sounds like someone who retreats when life feels heavy. Some people need to shut the world out to feel in control again. And when you love someone like that, it’s easy to take their distance personally to feel like you’ve done something wrong, when really, they’re just overwhelmed.

I’ve been married ten years, and I’ve learned that stress has a sneaky way of distorting love. When life piles up work, bills, expectations, even good relationships can start to feel like too much. It’s not because the love is gone; it’s because our emotional bandwidth is.

You did the right thing by giving him space. That’s not giving up, that’s loving wisely. What matters now isn’t whether he misses you enough to come back, but whether the space helps him see that you’re his safe place, not another source of pressure.

When you talk again, try to keep it light, calm, and open. Don’t walk in with a list of what went wrong, walk in with curiosity. Ask him how he’s feeling, what he needs. And when it’s your turn, be honest about your hope that you both find a way to protect this love without losing yourselves in it.

If he’s still struggling, let him. You can love him without fixing him. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back and trust that the person you love will find their own clarity.

And if it helps you breathe a little easier tonight, I don’t think this sounds like the end. It sounds like two people still trying, still learning how to meet each other in the middle.

[Tara]

Stop pretending this is some deep, mysterious emotional puzzle it’s the same pattern he’s shown you every time: the second life gets heavy, he folds, panics, and starts questioning the relationship because it’s easier than dealing with his own stress. You’re clinging to “young love” nostalgia while ignoring the obvious fact that he’s unreliable, conflict-avoidant, and quick to walk when things stop being effortless.

If one bad day from you can resurrect months-old resentment and send him spiraling again, then he’s not your future, he’s your emotional project, and you’re exhausting yourself trying to stabilize someone who can’t even stabilize himself. When you talk, expect more indecision, more emotional fog, and more of him trying to soften the blow of wanting space he’s too cowardly to claim directly. You want it to work, but wanting isn’t enough if he can’t handle stress now, he won’t magically handle it later, and you’re setting yourself up for the same breakup on repeat until you finally get tired of babysitting his feelings.

[Sally]

Seven years is a long time to grow up together, and it’s normal that all of this feels scary. You’re not dealing with one problem you’re dealing with stress stacked on top of old wounds, on top of the pressure of wanting this to work so badly.

From what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like he wants to leave you. It sounds like he’s overwhelmed and afraid of repeating the past. Stress makes people doubt things they actually care about. And honestly? He’s carrying a lot right now work, roommates, the dog, the old resentment that never fully healed. That stuff adds up.

The space you suggested was smart. It gives both of you a breath instead of forcing answers out of panic.

When you talk again, keep it simple. Don’t go in trying to fix everything. Just ask where his head is and tell him you’re willing to work with him, not against him.
If he still loves you and he does he’ll come back clearer.

Just don’t lose yourself waiting for him to figure out his own noise.

[Natalie Noah]

I can really feel the love and care you both have for each other. Seven years is a long time, especially starting so young, and moving in together so soon after graduation was a big step one that naturally brought stress and challenges. The fact that you’ve both been able to reflect on past issues, work through intimacy struggles, and communicate about setbacks shows a lot of maturity, even amidst the stress. I hear how much you want this relationship to work, and that desire is coming from a genuine place of love and understanding.

Joe’s stress seems like it’s weighing heavily on him with work, roommates, and other responsibilities piling up, it’s natural that he might feel uncertain about the relationship, even if he truly wants it. Your choice to give him space, to let him re-ground himself, is wise. Sometimes, when someone feels overwhelmed, pulling back a little is the best way to let them process their feelings without creating more pressure. It doesn’t mean the love isn’t there; it just means he needs time to handle his own life.

The best thing you can do now is exactly what April suggested keep your interactions light, empathetic, and fun. Focus on being supportive without adding pressure, and balance your time together with your own individual lives. Little gestures of care, humor, and thoughtfulness can go a long way to show him that you understand and respect his space. Relationships in your twenties can be a lot to navigate, but the fact that you both care enough to work through stress and communication challenges is a strong foundation. Patience, understanding, and empathy will carry you both forward.

[Member]

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