[angela627]

My long time partner is still in love with his ex. She was his first love. He was 14 and she was 16. I met him after they split (she left him for a friend of his). It’s been 11 years we have been together. He left for military I didnt see him’ for 5 of the years. I had 2 children in the meantime by someone I have no contact with. He lives clear across the country. He takes care of and loves my children as his own. He is the only father my 2 year old knows. I found out on a few occasions in the past year he was hanging out with her. Recently I seen text messages and a pic on his phone of her doin her makeup. Its like whenever shes fighting with her boyfriend she calls him because she cant be alone. I’m just sick. I can’t stay with him on the hope that he will realize one day we are right together and get over her. I feel like if she dropped everyone for him he would go running to her. But I know she want. she’s just stringing him along. I’m going crazy. What to do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It really sounds like the problem isn’t her — it’s [i]your[/i] relationship. It’s very hard to be in a relationship with someone who lives across the country and with whom you don’t have regular contact. While you’ve been with him for 11 years, that’s not really a realistic number because during that time, somehow, you’ve managed to have not one, but two children with someone else, so your commitment to him isn’t that strong, and that’s what is upsetting you. Because the two of you are not together, it’s normal for him to want to date other women.

I think you need to figure out what you want in your life, and if it’s a committed, monogamous relationship, you need to understand that being in the same neighborhood or even city, is the best way to foster a lasting commitment. If you can’t have that with this guy, then it’s time to move on — without blaming his teenager sweetheart.

I’m sorry that isn’t what you want to hear, but I think that if you can take it in, it will help you find the relationship you’re looking for.

Let me know how it goes. And follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[angela627]

I meant the childrens father is the one I don’t have contact with because he lives across the country. My boyfriend has been a great dad to both of them and considers them his own. I know he loves me but he loves her too and I just don’t want to stay with him with the hope that someday he will get over her and realize she’s no good. IDK

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry — your use of pronouns is confusing. Please repost and be more clear about what’s going on. Instead of using a pronoun, try using the person’s name instead!

I’d love to help you, but I need to understand the details. 😉

[Member]

Posts