[Anonymous]

So I will you give you the short version! My ex girlfriend and I have been broken up for about 2 months, we met each other on match.com and dated for a year. When we broke up she told me one main reason was because I didn’t communicate with her very well. I grew up watching my parents argue over the most petty things and it never would stop which led to them getting divorced. I had a tendency to hold so much emotions in because I didn’t want to fight with her that once i couldn’t take it anymore i exploded and instead of having little arguments we would have huge fights. That was my worst thing she said. Now the first 6 months of our relationship was great, we always wanted to see each other we were always intimate with each other and then all of a sudden it stopped. we would go 2 weeks with out seeing each other, when I called her I got the feeling I was bothering her and our sex life vanished. When I would attempt to talk to her about these things she would just blame it on being stressed and the conversation would end. I have moved on but the problem is is that i still think about her, I still love her, I know we didnt have the best relationship but it was really good at times. I recently joined back up on match.com and saw she had already done the same and it showed me that is probably no way we will get back together. Should i reach out thru calling her or emailing her just to say hi and see how she is doing or just leave it alone? I need advice from someone who is not a friend or family member because as soon as we broke up they all disliked her. Any help would great!

[Willdarb]

I think you should go on and forget about your past because everything that didn’t kill you will make you stronger. This will be one of these examples.

[Anonymous]

I hear were you are coming from, but I’m in that stage were if i don’t try to get her back i never will know if i could have. If i do try to reach out her to her and she rejects me at least I know i tried

[wiselove]

You mention your parents fighting and how this led you to a lot of uncertainty about how to best communicate. It sounds like you ended up often going from one extreme to the other and she had a hard time with this. So it ended for now. But the interesting thing is that could be the very reason you were attracted was to help each other with this very issue. I would talk to her and explain that you have a chance to help each other realize how your past has led you to this very issue where you are clashing and to heal it in a way your parents never could. If she’s willing to see the relationship as a chance to grow and learn and so are you, and you could commit to helping each other do that, it could be great. If either of you can’t commit to that, though, then you probably will just keep clashing.

[AskApril Masini]

It sounds like you’re not done. If you want another shot at this relationship, I think you should try to connect and ask her out again.

But more importantly is your fear of fighting in any relationship — whether it’s this one or a future one. Fighting is part of any long term relationship and anyone who tells you they’ve never fought, and they’re in a long term relationship — is lying to you! Fighting isn’t a sign of failure. You have to understand that men and women are different and people from different families will have issues, and that’s just for starters! Learning how to fight productively — so that a fight is not the end of the relationship, but just a means to a productive end — is very important.

When you’re in conflict with your partner, you have to understand that holding in your feelings isn’t going to help. you have to be fearless in telling her how you feel and listening to how she feels. The next step is understanding and then compromise and resolution. All of this is harder to do than read about! 😉

Let me know if this helps or not, and how things go — but I think you should give it a shot and ask her out again.

I hope you’ll follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]

[Anonymous]

Hey April, Just wanted to let you know that I listened to your advice. I emailed my ex, I poured my heart out to her and she told me she still loved me. She also told me that she has been dating someone for a couple of months and wants to see what happens with the new guy, I guess I waited to long to tell her all these things. Funny thing is I’m ok with it, I put myself out there and now I finally have closure. Thanks for your advice. I guess I will just move on and find someone else

[AskApril Masini]

I’m glad you feel okay about everything. What you learned from this relationship will serve you in the next one! I’d like you to read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for men who want to win with women. You can buy it here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. You’re going to get a lot of time savers and inspiration sparks for your future relationship by reading this.

I hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Anonymous]

Hey April,

Some things changed in the last couple of weeks, actually things changed the day after you responded to my last post. My ex emailed me and told me she had broken things off with the other guy and wanted to try to get back together with me! We ended up meeting xmas eve for lunch. Lunch was great, we talked and put everything out on the table and after lunch we kissed, i was shocked that things were starting to go my way. A couple hours later she texted me saying how she is happy that she is still attracted to me and that I kissed her and she even invited me over to see her and her son for on xmas day. Even though I was hesitant going over there because her family was going to be there she told me that she knew it was going to be akward but wanted me to come over anyways and to get the akward part of seeing her family again out of the way, so i went, it actually wasn’t akward at all. Today I wake up to a text message from her telling me that she is sorry but her heart isn’t in it and that she is still in love with the other guy. I wanted to say so much to her about how upset I was about this, mainly for the fact that I completly opened up to her and showed her all my emotions and because I got into arguements with family and friends about the possibility of the 2 of us getting back together. Instead I just told her goodbye and good luck. I just don’t understand how somebody can fall in love with somebody after only dating for 2 months and choose them over somebody you have been with for a year and had discussions about getting married and having kids and living together. I figured this guy was a rebound, I guess I was wrong.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m really happy to give you all this free advice, but if you don’t follow it…. 🙁 I highly advise you to get AND READ Date Out of Your League so you can understand how your behavior in relationships cues hers. You can learn how to get the girl and how to stay in a relationship. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Please order it today – it downloads automatically so you can start reading as soon as you have a free moment. When someone posts as many times as you have here, and I’ve recommended you read a particular book, I’m doing it because I think it will help you and save time.

Please buy the book (it’s only $14.95), download it, read it, and THEN let me know your questions — if you still have any! 😀

You can also follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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