[Anonymous]

I have been diagnosed with a potentially fatal condition and I have had a lot of pain for so many years without the right medication for the immense pain, that I go through on a daily basis, I took a lot of this out on my boyfriend, well my now ex boyfriend and I did a lot of damage to my relationship. My friend called him to explain this to him, and to explain that now I have a Doctor who is able to control my pain levels. So my ex said that if I truly do have this illness, he wants to get back into the relationship and be there for me, which I am stunned that he said this. He doesnt exactly believe me since I have been deceitful about other things in the past, but not about my health. So I am wondering if it would be a good idea to email him the cat scan,along with a heartfelt letter, or should I wait a little while before doing that? I am confused because I was obsessive in the past, and he doesn’t like that, and so I dont know if that will come across as me being obsessive, or if I should wait. I sent him an email yesterday and I said please forgive me and he read it, since its aol I can tell he read it. Please advise

[Ask April Masini]

Don’t e-mail him your cat scan if you have a history of being obsessive and lying. 😕 The cat scan has nothing to do with your lying to him or with your pain. 😳

I’m sorry about your condition. This is a time to tie up loose ends and do the right thing every day. Apologizing to him is the right thing to do. But that’s it. Since you’ve already done that, it’s time for you to move on and take care of other business and make your last days important ones.

I hope that helps. 🙂

[Anonymous]

move on? he wants the relationship back, that’s the only way he is going to believe me by sending him the cat scan so he knows i am not being deceitful i am not dying today that i know of its potentially fatal

[Ask April Masini]

Since you admit you have [i]a history[/i] of deceit and obsessive behavior, sending him one piece of evidence in the form of a medical test result 🙄 to try and prove you’re not lying to him [i]this time[/i] is not convincing. It’s weird. 😳 And, it makes you look troubled.

In addition to which, unless he’s a doctor, why would he be able to read a cat scan? 😕 It really seems like you are making a desperate attempt to get him back. Desperation is not your friend. It isn’t going to make you seem less deceitful, less obsessive or more attractive. You asked me if I thought sending him the cat scan would make you seem obsessive. I’m telling you clearly [b]it’s a bad idea[/b]. You can take or leave my advice.

There is also a tone of manipulation in your story. In fact, your title on this post is “urgent”, yet you [u]now[/u] say that your disease is only POTENTIALLY fatal. Hmmm….are you trying to manipulate me the same you are him?

I know you want him back, but I think you’ve blown it with him and you need to move on. Yes: move on. You’re changing your tune in your second post to me, as well. 🙄 You never said that he wanted to get back together with you in your first post. You wrote that you had a friend make a call for you 😯 to ultimately try and get him back together with you and he said that if you truly were sick, he’d want to get back together, but he doesn’t believe you are. Whether or not that’s true (since you admit to a history of deceit, I’ve got to wonder….) if you really care about this guy, let him be. Leave him alone. If he really wants you, you’ll know it because he’ll call you or come see you. What you’re trying to do is manipulate him and fool yourself into believing that what you did to him wasn’t so bad. It was.

If he wants you, he knows how to find you. If your disease is potentially fatal, you should change your life and start living honestly and with character. That means leaving him alone. Focus on doing good deeds and appreciating the life around you.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

im sorry to tell you but given your response you are cold and cruel i am not lying about the fucking hell i go through on a day to day life and yes he used to be in the medical field and i never said I HAD A FRIEND CALL him I SAID A FRIEND CALLED him on his own accord um hey lady hes been reading my emails your probably some fat chick

[Ask April Masini]

Your angry response at me is misguided. 😮 [i]I’m the person you came to for advice[/i] — [b]free advice[/b] — [i]that you can take or leave[/i]. 😯 I only go by what you write me, and when you say you have a history of deceit with your boyfriend, I take you at your word. I believe you when you say you have a medical problem, but that is not an excuse for bad behavior. I’m pretty sure you’ve taken your anger out on your boyfriend as well as on me — and probably other people, too. You have to find a way to see that when you write things or say things like you did to me in your last post, you’re not going to be served by that kind of communication. 😥 People are going to walk away from you. No one in their right mind is going to stand by when you start spouting anger like this at them. 🙁

Again, my advice to your question is not to send the CAT scan to your boyfriend as proof of your illness. It’s weird. And while it may not fit the description of obsessive behavior, it’s definitely not normal. He’s not your doctor, and CAT scans are really for doctors with years of professional training to read and interpret. If he wants to forgive you for your past behavior, then he knows where to find you. Your best bet is to apologize and try to live your life with good character and good behavior.

You wrote that you were confused and I’m trying to give you clarity in terms of what I think your problems are and what the solutions are. I am very sorry for your illness, but I don’t think it’s an excuse for bad behavior. 😕 Your behavior with your boyfriend in the past has not been so great, and this is the time for you to start changing.

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