[Zoefarrades]

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We met 2 months after he’d been divorced, he’d been married for 15 years to his high school sweetheart and they have a kid! Long story short he had told me that he didnt want a relationship since he’d been married for so long and I didnt listen. I fell very much in love with him, he also fell in love with me (or so he says). We get along great we laugh all the time,we have so much in common, were very compatible in the bedroom, he basically became my best friend. It took about 6 months for him to actually admit he was my boyfriend and I have yet to meet his family. Basically he all of a sudden wants to break it off and not call me his girl anymore. I have invested a year into him and I love him. Whats confusing is that after he broke it off he still tells me that he’s in love with me, and he calls me several times a day every day. We have had sex since the break up and he tells me that he doesnt want to sleep with anyone else. This to me sounds like a relationship!!! Why does he not accept it. He says he wants to try to be single for once in his life to figure out who he is, but yet he wont stop calling me asking me to hang out! Should I just let him go even though i’ve never felt so compatible with someone? I dont want to be a door mat. HELP!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re confused because you’re not listening to him. He was very clear that after his 15 year marriage ended he didn’t want a girlfriend. You’re trying to bend him into someone he’s not. 😳

If you don’t want to waste any more of your time, let him go and move on. You should read Think & Date Like A Man, so you don’t waste another year of your life on Mr. Wrong. Here’s the link where you can buy it: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also get it on the websites for Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Zoefarrades]

Thank you i needed that. This is the hardest relationship to get over, i have not seen or spoken to him in about a week and i know that cutting him off cold turkey is the best way to go,but now he’s hanging out with MY friends and asking them about me.I live in a small community we know the same people i feel like a prisoner in my home, he goes to all the places i normally go to! Im trying to get over him but why is he making it so hard if he didnt want a girlfriend to begin with!?

[Anonymous]

Because as soon as you don’t fight the end of the relationship, he wants it again. That is human nature (to want what we perceive we can’t have). If you are super-aware, you don’t do that — you are consistent and stick to what you say — but not everyone has that level of integrity within themselves (integrity meaning actions consistent with stated intentions). Most of us don’t — even though we try! And, since he is ambivalent (he likes or loves you but he wants his freedom to explore dating), his ambivalence spells a bucking bronco/emotional-rollercoaster for you — if you let it. You are doing great! Stay strong and keep focusing on your life. Stay away from the places that you might run into him right now. Look into joining a group (bike club, dance club, book club, gym?) that will bring you into contact with new people. Even a short trip away from your town will give you perspective. Do you have a good friend or family member you could visit?

[Zoefarrades]

I actually am considering a vacation to get my mind away from everything. I hope i have the strength to do what i know i have to do! I appreciate the responses i just needed to know that im doing the right thing and not giving up too soon on something that had so much potential.Its true i am trying to make him into something he’s not and i need to accept that he isn’t the one for me.Thanks so much for the responses!!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There’s no potential with a man who tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend.

You’re doing the right thing. Stay strong and focus on finding Mr. Right. You should buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. It’s the perfect time for you to take this on your vacation and get a good read!! You can also buy the book on the websites for Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Please don’t forget to follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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