[JakBrown13]

I want to start by saying this is my 1st time seeking online help like this for relationship advice. For the first time in a handful of years I’ve met a woman I really like, which is rare. I’d like to see this actually go somewhere serious with her which is why I’m reaching out for help. We met about 2 months ago and for 6 weeks were having a good time. We both have busy schedules and don’t exactly live around the corner from each other but although we’d only see each other once or twice a week we’d text frequently. Then 2 weeks ago she went on vacation for a week. We spent the 2 nights before she left together and had a great time. I even helped her pack for her trip. While she was away we kept in touch daily with texts exchanging “I miss yous”, etc. She got sick during her trip and it carried over when she returned. Due to her illness & schedules I haven’t seen her since the day she left for her trip. We were supposed to hang out yesterday but it didn’t happen because she ended up hanging with a friend longer than expected and I didn’t hear back from her til this morning. I’m getting a bit frustrated from not having seen her. She knows I like her and that I miss her, she’s even said that she likes knowing that. Now I’m heading out of town for a handful of days for work later in the week so there’s more time I won’t see her. I don’t want to appear too clingy or overbearing which could drive her away but I do want to try a real relationship with her, how should I convey that to her? Is she avoiding me or testing me by not seeing me? Everything was great before her vacation and now I just don’t know.
I am so super confused!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[JakBrown13]

Both in our late 30s. She’s divorced, married young and I think just for a short amount of time. We’re supposed to hang out tomorrow night. I don’t want to make a big dramatic scene or anything but I do kind of want to let her know where I stand. Should I or should I just enjoy tomorrow night and see what happens when I get back from my business trip next week?

[JakBrown13]

We’re both in our late 30’s. She’s divorced, I’ve never been married. She was married young and it didn’t last long. Since my posting this morning we’ve scheduled to hang out tomorrow night but that has since moved to Wednesday due to a work issue for her. I’m leaving Thursday for work and won’t be back til next early next week. Apparently her schedule over the next few weeks is pretty hectic. I feel like saying something about where I stand when we hang out Wednesday but maybe I should just enjoy the time we have and see what happens.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it — thanks for the extra information. 🙂

Try to remember this: Dating is a process. You’re both figuring out if you want to continue seeing each other. I have a timetable I like to use as a model and it goes like this: Spend the first three months dating and at the end of those three months decide if you want to continue seeing each other. Just because you’re there, doesn’t mean she is! If you do, and you continue dating her, at the six month mark decide if you want to be monogamous. Right now, you’re still in the dating period, and you sound like you’re anxious to get a commitment from her that she may not be ready to give you. Your instinct that you may come off as too clingy or needy comes from your knowing deep down that you’re ahead of her and you want more than she does right now. Trust your instinct, and focus on winning her over. If you think hanging out is going to win her over, then do that, but if you think you need to up your game a little in order to win her over, then do that. Understand that it’s still early, and you’ve got to compete for her. 😉

I hope that helps.

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[JakBrown13]

This totally helps! I like the timetable you mentioned. It’s been so long since I’ve been in or even pursued a long term relationship that I forgot its not necessarily an overnight thing. I guess I got over zealous because she was giving off those type of signals during those first 6 weeks. Like early on she was talking about taking trips, etc plus all the texts when she was away exchanging all the “I miss yous” and her calling me “baby” and what not I thought she was ready to make some type of leap into something more serious.
I’ll see what happens tomorrow night but my attitude will be way less desperate and more exciting just to see her and enjoy her company.

Thanks April! I’ll for sure keep you posted!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I’m glad I was able to help. 😀

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[JakBrown13]

April…wanted to let you know that thanks to your advice things are going well with this girl! When we hung out last week before my business trip we had a very good & productive talk about us. The communication lines between us are wide open which has helped and the timetable you laid out for me really helped me think about this relationship more clearly/more realistically. My anxieties have turned into good times/thoughts/feelings. Although still unable to see each other as often as I’d like we’ve managed to fit in some good times with more to come.
Thanks again April!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. I’m glad I could help! 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

Nothing here screams “she’s losing interest.” What you’re describing is actually very normal when two adults with full lives are trying to build something new. The first few weeks of dating always feel electric frequent texts, long hangs, that “I miss you” energy. But once real life hits (travel, getting sick, work piling up), the intensity naturally drops a bit. That dip doesn’t mean she’s pulling away; it just means life got in the middle. You feeling anxious doesn’t mean anything’s wrong it means you care.

Your frustration isn’t about her, it’s about uncertainty. Not seeing her, the missed plans, the rescheduling… those things trigger a “fear of losing momentum.” Your brain jumps to: “Did something change? Did I mess up? Am I losing her?” But look at her actions: she’s still scheduling time with you, still staying in touch, still making plans even though she’s busy and recovering. If she wanted out, she’d fade… she hasn’t.

Don’t confuse patience with passivity. You’re worried about looking clingy and that’s smart awareness. Clingy is wanting more from someone before they’re ready. The timing between you two isn’t aligned right now. That doesn’t mean she’s testing you; it means she’s moving at her natural pace. The reality is, the relationship is still in the early “figuring each other out” phase, not the “define the relationship” phase. Let things build naturally. There’s no prize for rushing.

Bringing up serious feelings too early shifts the energy. If you sit her down Wednesday and say, “I want a real relationship with you,” you risk moving faster than she’s ready for and that can create pressure. Instead, enjoy the night. Make it fun. Let her reconnect to how she felt before the vacation chaos ease, playfulness, curiosity. That emotional tone wins her over way more than heavy talks right now.

After your trip, then reassess not before. Your work trip actually helps you. The distance gives both of you breathing room to reset, miss each other, and naturally come back into rhythm. When you return, see how she behaves: does she reach out, initiate plans, match your energy? That will tell you more than any forced conversation. Right now, your best move is to show up confidently, enjoy your time together, and let things flow.

You’re in a good position. you just need to stop worrying yourself out of it. She likes you. She’s still showing up. She’s not avoiding you. She’s simply busy, sick, and living her life. You’re thinking long term; she might still be thinking early-stage dating. Aligning those rhythms takes time. Your role right now is simple: keep it light, keep it positive, keep it steady. That’s how you win her over not with pressure, not with anxiety, but with presence.

[Tara]

You’re not “confused.” You’re just ignoring the answer because you don’t like it. She was consistent when it was convenient, and the moment her life got busy again, you slipped to the bottom of her priority list. People don’t “accidentally” have time for friends but not for someone they claim to miss. That wasn’t bad timing, that was clarity.

She knows you like her, she knows you’re waiting, and she’s comfortable giving you crumbs because you keep accepting them. You want a “real relationship,” but what you’re actually doing is auditioning for a role she hasn’t offered you.

Stop tiptoeing like you’re one wrong move from losing he,r you already don’t have her. If she wanted to see you, she would have. The fix is simple: pull back, match her effort, and stop chasing a woman who only shows up when nothing better is happening. If she steps up, great. If she doesn’t, you have your answer. Either way, stop behaving like a man waiting for permission to matter.

[Sally]

It’s jarring when things feel warm and steady, and then suddenly the rhythm changes and you’re left wondering what the hell happened.
But from what you wrote, it doesn’t sound like she’s testing you or avoiding you. It just sounds like life got loud she traveled, she got sick, schedules shifted and the momentum you two had kind of cooled without either of you meaning for it to.

Here’s the honest part: if she wanted out, she wouldn’t still text you, or tell you she likes knowing you miss her. She’d fade completely.

You don’t have to push. Just tell her you’d like to see her when you’re both back in the same place and feeling human again. Keep it simple. Keep it calm.
If it’s real, it’ll pick back up without you forcing it.

[Natalie Noah]

It shows exactly how messy early dating can feel when two people are on slightly different timelines. What stands out most is how quickly his anxiety took over simply because the rhythm of their connection changed after her trip. That happens to a lot of people: things start strong, the energy drops for reasons that aren’t personal, and suddenly the mind fills the silence with fear. The reality here wasn’t that she was pulling away it was that life, illness, and schedules created distance, and he interpreted that distance as rejection. It’s a reminder that our feelings aren’t always evidence.

What April emphasized and what actually shifted everything was the idea of pacing. Early dating is not a commitment, it’s an exploration. And his anxiety came from wanting clarity before the relationship was ready for clarity. The moment he stepped back into a calm, confident pace instead of pushing for reassurance, everything improved. That wasn’t an accident. When he relaxed, she could breathe. When he wasn’t looking for constant confirmation, their connection became enjoyable again. People gravitate toward emotional steadiness, not pressure.

What I take from this and what applies to anyone in a similar space is simple: if something feels off, don’t rush to decode it. Slow down, stay grounded, keep your energy warm and confident. You can’t speed a relationship into commitment, but you can absolutely scare it into retreat. His outcome improved the moment he stopped chasing and started showing up with clarity, presence, and patience. If you can hold that same balance wanting someone without needing to rush the story. you give the connection room to grow naturally rather than forcing it.

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