[coco]

Hello. I am mid 20s and the guy I am seeing is 30. We have been dating for 4 months. I am wondering what exactly is going on with this guy. He is always very attentive to me and tells me he likes me a lot and cares about me and a few weeks ago told me he thinks things are starting to get a little bit more serious between us. But we have not officially called each other girlfriend/boyfriend. He is from Italy and he has invited me to Italy for a week in the summer to stay at his parent’s place. When I asked him what this was about and what he is telling his parents he asked ‘Do I mean labels?’ (in quite a defensive way) and told me he would be open with them and tell them I am the girl he is seeing (note he did not say his girlfriend). I asked if he has brought girls before and he said I am the first since his last serious relationship 6 years ago. He said it was not a ‘meeting the parents’ thing and it was to meet his friends and see where he comes from. I find this very contradictory. I have met his mother when she was visiting him but she did not know who I was. This is also a strange thing. He had not told them or his friends in Italy about me until the last 2 weeks. I have met all of his friends here a long time ago.
We go out every week but a lot of the times he wants to do things with friends as well. He often makes jokes about girls. He was going to a wedding in Italy and he made several comments about the fact he was being seated at a table with hot single girls and that he was going to look hot. He obviously does this in a joking way making it difficult for me to complain without being accused of not ‘getting his jokes’ and being neurotic. He text me in Italy to say he was there and the girls were hot. He then emailed me to tell me about the wedding and mentioned that that he met a girl at the wedding and they hit it off. Obviously he is talking about other things as well but these things are thrown in.
I have told him about 2 months ago that I don’t like it and he stopped for about a month before gradually starting again.
There are many things that he does and says that makes me believe he is genuine but these things make me wonder how genuine he is or if he is somehow playing me.
I realize this sounds quite trivial but I just have this feeling something is not quite right. I do not know how to reply to his email. Ideally I want to say something regarding the comment about the girl and feel ignoring it would condone what he is saying to me, which I feel is disrespectful even if we are not ‘serious’. As far as I am aware, even though we have not become explicitly ‘official’ we are getting there and are in that in-between stage- we are certainly not in a ‘friends with benefits’ type relationship.
Do you think I am over-reacting for the stage we are at or could there be something for me to worry about?
Thanks 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You’re definitely not overreacting, but you’re not trusting your very good instincts. So many women override the instincts that they have instead of using them. 😕 Your boyfriend isn’t treating you like you’re “the one” and that’s what you’re picking up on. In spite of dating, being in touch regularly and probably having a sexual relationship, he’s treating your relationship more like a “fun for now” relationship rather than a serious one.

You should really get Think & Date Like A Man, [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], because you need it to help you figure out if the man (or men) you’re dating are serious and are Mr. Right material. Some of the things you’ll learn from this book are that a man who is serious about you will introduce you to his friends and family and will start to act like he’s in a couple and begin to hang out with other friends who are coupled, as well. Your boyfriend is making it clear to you that to his friends and family, you’re Ms. Right Now. He’s also making it very clear to you that he’s not beneath being on the prowl for a hot girl if she happens to be seated next to him at a wedding to which he didn’t bring you as his date. 😕

Your idea to talk to him about his hurting your feelings with his talk of other women, for a second time, isn’t a good idea. Rather than try to change him (lots of luck on that one! 🙄 ) change yourself instead. Don’t put yourself in a situation like this one where you’re about to get serious and he’s not. Understand that this guy in his 30s isn’t ready for what you are and doesn’t want the same things.

I hate harping on my books because I sound like I’m hard selling, but you WILL get a quick, cheap, fabulous education on relationships and matters of the heart when you read Think & Date Like A Man. [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Let me know what you think of the book and how things go with your boyfriend.

And join me on Facebook, too! It’s free and easy to become a member at this link: [url][/url].

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