[Anonymous]

Hi! I was wondering if you could help me.

Im 25 years old and my husband is 27. We’ve been together since we were 18 and we decided to get married three years ago. We now have a 16 month old child. We’ve never had any big problems in our marriage, but he left me recently. He said he needed his freedom. He felt like there was no passion in the relationship and he no longer wants to feel like he’s in a jail cell. He lost a lot of weight recently and women and men look at him a lot. Maybe it went to his head a little. He left two weeks ago and lives at his mom’s house. He comes to see our son twice a week and calls almost everyday. He always wants to stay on the phone to talk to me about his plans to rent an apartment and live freely. When I ask him if he wants to get back with me, he says he doesn’t know. When I insist on having an answer, he says : « Well if you need an answer now, then no I dont want to. » Somethimes he sounds angry and says, « when I was a good man, you didn’t appreciate me, now its too late. I’ll provide for my son, but I cant get back with you.» My mother thinks that if he loved me, he would not let me suffer and cry so much. His mother thinks I should try to go out to restaurants and movies with him so he can remember what he once loved about me. I dont know what to do. I’ve never been with any other man in my life and I feel like he’s hurt me so much. In the last six months, he rarely spent time with me, he was impatient all the time and said a lot of mean things like : « I dont want to leave now because of my son, maybe I need to wait until my finance are better to leave, I’ll never get anywhere if I stay with you, life with you is boring, I dont love you the same way I used to etc. » Also, we only had sex once or twice a month and I ALWAYS took initiative. He says the sex with me was never awesome, just ok. He also cant stand it when our son cries a lot and he never enjoyed family activities.

Im reallly hurt, but I think I want him back. Is there hope and should I want him back?

[Ask April Masini]

You may think you want him back, but you shouldn’t. 🙁 He doesn’t love you any more, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to be married any more. You’re in a very tough spot because you’ve been rejected, your marriage is ending, and you’re the mother of a young child. You probably have a lot of doubt about your life as a single mother and your child’s life as a child of divorce. So wanting him back is an understandable response — but it’s not the right one for you. 😳

He’s making it clear it’s over, and now you have to accept that and move on with your life as a single mother. If you can afford it, hire an attorney and file for divorce and custody and child support. If you can’t afford it, go to your local courthouse and get the help necessary to do so on your own. That should get the ball rolling for you to define legally your new life. It will also give you a custody schedule so you can know when your child will go with dad and when the child will be with you, giving you freedom to work, take care of yourself and start to get some support and healing for yourself.

I know this is a difficult situation, but you WILL get through it by putting one foot in front of the other and taking each day as it comes, keeping an eye on the horizon as well. 🙂

Let me know how things go — and join me on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much April!

You are right, I need to get an attorney as soon as possible and start moving on. He’s rejected me and treated me so bad that I dont see how I could ever be happy in a relationship with him again. I’ll try to be strong.

I’ll give you an update when things get better.
Bye! 😉

[Ask April Masini]

I’m wishing you all the good luck in the world. Start using your brain to balance your emotions as you transition in your own life. Keep the focus and the positive energy on you and your behavior and take the high road always in spite of what he does or anyone around you does.

Let me know how it goes, and I really do hope you’ll become a member of my Facebook group page at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Author]

Posts