[whitesand]

Hi. I have a situation and would like some feedback.

Something about me. I was a very shy kind of person in school days and never talked much to girls. And things were OK with me too.

When I got to college I started feeling awkward that I couldn’t socialize with people and couldn’t talk to girls around me. Seeing other people do that made things worse for me. I am smart, intelligent, hard working and care about lots of things around me. But people never got to know me because I never spoke much.

But a little later things started to change for me. People started to know me and my work. They appreciated my work a lot and got to know me better as a person. I started to love my life. I could be friends with so many girls and everything seemed good.

During this transition of mine, I started to like a girl. Infact she was the one who started to talk to me. She is nice looking and lots of guys in our college have a crush on her. She was in a relationship back then though. But she started to talk to me and appreciated me a lot about my work and about my thoughts towards things in life. And thats how we became friends and that kept me motivated and made me work hard. And people appreciated me more. Infact having her as a friend increased my self confidence 10x times.

For around a 6-8 months we just met around for work and did some causal talking. She was in a relationship back then. But then she broke up. Their relationship was intense. The guy broke up with him. And that was really though on her.

For next 1-2 months we used to met and she talked about her breakup sometimes. I used to give her some general advice and she appreciated them. We started to become a little close. I could see her share some personal stuffs with me. She told me that she was comfortable sharing things with me and not with most of the people around her.

That was the background to help you understand the situation.

Now its been around a year since her breakup. And we have become way better friends than earlier. We meet frequently and talk a lot about life, philosophy, things around us. She asks me about my life, my family and new things in my life.

I have got a lots of hints from her that she likes me. The way she talks to me. The way she clarifies things coz she doesn’t want me to think bad about her. And the most important, touch. As a girl she has a tendency to touch few of her guy friends. But with me I think its different. Whenever we sit together, her thighs touches mine. And none of us ever move it. We both can feel it. Same has happened with arms. Lot of times she would come really close to me looking at my laptop screen. Its a kind of a push on my shoulder and she can feel that its a little harder push on me, but she doesn’t move it. And there are many other signs I’ve got from her. And she probably knows that I like her.

She is someone who fears breakups and getting close to people and getting hurt, just like any other girl. But she then told me once that with me now she feels different. She hasn’t that fear with me anymore. She appreciates my presence in her life and she has acknowledged this explicitly.

But its a hot and cold game here. Sometimes she would be very much into me and shows lots of interest in me and talking to me. And sometimes exactly the opposite. I feel like she likes me but has 2nd thoughts of moving very quickly from her previous relationship. I think there are mixed thoughts in her mind and that making things hard for her too. She seems to be coming out of her previous relationship, but definitely is not completely over it. And I believe that won’t go completely until she gets into another relationship.

I have thought a lot if I am friend zoned. But you know, there is still a little awkwardness and nervousness from both the sides when we meet. We are really comfortable around each other, yet that nervousness sometimes. Also we have been to dinners 4-5 times. But she would not ask for dinner directly. She would find a reason for that. Birthday’s or treats for something some kind of achievement of mine or her.

Questions:
1. Do you think that with this background, she likes me more that a friend but is confused about her feelings?
2. Is she is confused about her feelings, what should I do? Give her some more time or take things in my hand and tell her about my feelings?

[Ask April Masini]

I think that she likes you, and I think that you should get out of the friend zone by asking her out on a date. Don’t tell her your feelings — just show them. 😉

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