[COCO89]

Would it be weird to spend Christmas apart? Last Christmas we were only together for a few months so we spent it apart (with our own families). We split thanksgiving this year between both of our families but we spent the majority of the day with his. It was supposed to be more equal but he/his family “ran late” and we ended up hanging out there for a while before eating late and then just went to my family for an hour for dessert.

His brother is engaged and his brother’s fiancee’s family isn’t really big on family and the holidays so they spend most holidays with my boyfriend’s family so I feel like this is what he got used to. He wanted me to go there for all of Christmas Eve and said he would come to my family for the second half of Christmas Day. Christmas Eve is his family’s big/favorite holiday. They all assumed I would be spending it with them. It’s also MY family’s big/favorite holiday. I told him I would be staying with my family this Christmas Eve. He was ok with that but then asked if I would spend Christmas day with his family. He is spending Christmas Eve with his own family. His mom is not cooking Christmas Day, they are all just hanging out and relaxing there. My mom is cooking. Would it be ok for me suggest that we split Christmas Day? Or can we just spend it apart this year since we’re not engaged yet?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well…. since Christmas has come and gone, this is a good time for me to remind you that if you want your question answered as a “Rush”, just opt for a Premium response from me on this site — you’ll jump to the front of the line! 🙂

My advice about splitting up on the holidays is that if it works for both of you, then it’s fine. The most important thing is that you’re both okay with whatever you decide. You don’t have to be bound by societal traditions — do your own thing! Whether you’re together, apart, apart for some or part of the holidays or not with family at all, is less important than that you find a solution that works for your relationship.

Hope you had a nice Christmas — and remember to use Premium Response for any questions you want me to answer right away, next time. 😉

[Lune David]

Honestly, holiday planning with two families feels like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. Everyone has “their” big day, their traditions, their expectations — and somehow we’re supposed to magically make everyone happy.

I don’t think it’s weird at all to spend Christmas apart, especially when you’re not engaged or married yet. You’re still figuring out what “our tradition” even looks like. Splitting Christmas Day also sounds totally reasonable — your mom is cooking, his mom is chilling, so it’s not like either side is hosting a royal banquet you must attend from sunrise to midnight.

At the end of the day, holidays should feel joyful, not like a negotiation marathon. If both of you are okay with being flexible (or even doing your own thing this year), that’s completely normal. And hey — if this is the “problem” now, imagine what next year will look like when both families claim New Year’s Eve too.

[Serena Vale]

Honestly? It’s not weird at all to spend Christmas apart. You’re still dating, you’re not engaged, and both of your families have their own traditions that matter. It’s completely okay to honor that.

What I see here is simple:
His family has a rhythm he’s gotten used to, and it kind of pulls everything in their direction by default. That doesn’t mean you have to fall in line with it.

If Christmas Eve is a big deal for your family, then staying with them is the right call. And Christmas Day doesn’t have to turn into a tug-of-war. You can absolutely suggest splitting the day. Or you can spend it apart this year, that’s normal at this stage of a relationship.

Something like, “My mom’s cooking, so I want to be with my family in the morning. I can come by later if it works,” is completely fair.

And here’s the truth:
A healthy relationship doesn’t make you feel guilty for choosing your own family. It makes room for both.

So no, you’re not being difficult. You’re just creating balance, and that’s something you’ll be glad you did in the long run.

[Member]

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