[reed]

Thank you April, I will try to make this brief and you can ask for any relevant details. About a year and a half ago my wife of 16 years had two one night stands. One with some guy at a conference she went to for work, and had the intentions to seduce and sleep with another guy. The other was a married “friend” I’ve known for a long time. and before that she played kissy face with a person that I supervised at work. Then to really drive the knife in deeper she did not even use protection with either one, and brought home a VD. I was so stupid and trusting she told me it was probably from “cross contamination” so I took the anti-biotic and didn’t think much about it. I must have felt something was wrong because I snooped her Email and found a letter she had written that laid the whole thing out. Who she sleep with, when and what all they did. So when she got home from work I confronted her, of course she denied it until she figured out that I knew. I packed a bag and went to a hotel, I had forgot she had a surgery the next day. She call my cell and asked if I would still take her to the hospital and bring her home and take care of her until she healed. For better or worse I told her I would, because I said I would before I found all this out, and I am a man of my word. I already suffer from depression, and this pushed me over the top. I started drinking heavily, I couldn’t sleep unless I passed out drunk, I was filled with rage, homicidal and suicidal thoughts consumed me. The only thing that kept me together is our 9yo daughter. She moved out and took our little girl with her for 6 months, then moved back in to try and save our marriage. But I still resent her for what she did to the point that when we have sex I often lose my erection because all I can think about is her with these other guys. And it did help when I found out she went to a club when she was younger and had sex with about 35 different guys that hung out there. Mostly the ones that had coke. So now I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I don’t want my daughter to grow up without her dad, but I am not sure how much longer this relationship can last.
Thank you for any advice you can offer.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m not a big fan of divorce, but sometimes splitting up and offering your daughter at least one healthy home is the best thing for everyone — and in your case, that’s what I would advise. Your wife is putting herself at risk, you at risk and your daughter at risk by engaging in behavior that isn’t healthy on so many levels. It’s no wonder you’re depressed at best and can’t perform sexually. Under these circumstances, these are very understandable reactions. 😳

I know you think of yourself as a man of your word and loyal and all those good things, but your wife isn’t a healthy person, and this isn’t a healthy home for your daughter. Your loyalty needs to be to doing the right thing — for your daughter, not your wife. You’ve done the right thing for your wife, but she’s trashed what you’ve done for her. If you keep on doing it, you’re not investing in a healthy relationship any more. My advice is that you get divorced, go through the court system and get 50% custody of your daughter, and raise her as a single parent. You’ll have integrity in your life in that way, and your daughter will grow up with a father who has self-respect and does the right thing. She needs to see a healthy relationship that she can model her future relationships on, and if you stay in this marriage, you’ll be denying her that opportunity. If you divorce, at least she’ll have a chance to see a happy, healthy father, who may even find happy and healthy love with a step-mother who will love her and take care of her when she’s with you. 😉

[b]Check out my new FB Fan Page!! And If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” me — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts