[shalie]

I’ve been seeing this guy for nearly some time now. He told me that he has no experience in relationships and that I am the girl he’s been dating for the longest. Our situation is very weird because he doesn’t flirt/compliment/ touch me. He rarely calls me and when we are online, he often ignores me or replies quickly and says he has to do something else and will be back later. He actually does come back later but does not come to chat with me. A male co-worker of mine told me to initiate some body contact with him and see if how he reacts and well, there has been either no reaction from him, or he simply retracted. I can always blame his lack of experience in relationships to explain all these situations but I think that it’s time for me to realize that this guy isn’t really interested in me even if he said he was. Guys’ actions speak louder than their words.
I like the guy but I don’t want to be with someone who seems to be dating me maybe out of boredom or to gain some dating experience. I hope that I am not being too negative.
Do you think that I should continue to see this guy and see if things eventually progress or should I simply tell him I want to stop everything, the next time I see him?

Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how long you’ve been dating this guy, but after a few dates, if there isn’t any chemistry and you aren’t sure there ever will be, it makes sense to move on. This guy may not be touching or kissing you because he isn’t interested in you. He may also have some deeper psychological problems that make it impossible or difficult for him to be physically intimate with anyone. Either way, it’s time for you to move on.

Do not wait around to see if things get better. When you wrote that you’ve been dating him “for some time now” I assume it’s more than a few months. That’s plenty of time to wait and see if things get better. (And they haven’t.) Don’t make it easy for him by calling him to explain yourself or to try to help him. You deserve more than that.

The best way to end things with him is to not call him or see him again. Don’t spend any more energy on him. If he calls or e-mails you to get together again, or ask you out, at [i]that point[/i], you can tell him that things just aren’t working out between the two of you enough for you to want to continue the relationship. Wish him the best in life, and end it. You’ll be doing both of you a favor.

[shalie]

Thank you for your advice. Another experienced person also told me to cut any contact with the guy and you are now confirming the best thing to do.
He will maybe use his introversion and shyness as excuse but I really think that I am better off without him
I am just wondering why some guys continue to date girls even though they are not really interested in them… Do they just do it because they have nothing to do or maybe because they can’t find anyone else?
I think that it is a very unfair thing to do because when you date someone for a few months the person gets the message that you actually like her.
Anyway as you said yourself, dating is a numbers games and hence, I guess I’ll have to keep on trying until I find the good one.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You hit the nail on the head, yourself. These guys date women they’re not really interested in any long term, serious relationship with, because they’re bored or lonely. For some people, being with someone is better than being someone who’s right for them. Having company of any sort, may be better for these people than being alone. And it’s not just men who do this. Women do it, too.

Whether or not it’s fair has nothing to do with love. In fact there’s this old saying: All’s fair in love and war. I think that’s what you were dealing with.

[Ethan Morales]

I think April Masini’s advice is really solid here, and I agree with the reasoning. Let me break it down. Actions speak louder than words. You’re seeing clear signs that this guy isn’t putting in effort: no flirting, no compliments, minimal physical contact, and little initiative to communicate. Even if he says he’s interested, the reality is that his behavior is telling a different story. In relationships, consistent actions matter far more than words, especially when it comes to affection and effort.

Lack of chemistry or connection. If he’s not physically or emotionally engaging with you, it’s unlikely that things will spontaneously “progress.” Waiting for him to develop interest or comfort over time is risky you could end up investing months without getting a meaningful connection in return.

Potential deeper issues. As April noted, his behavior could stem from inexperience, emotional immaturity, or psychological barriers that make intimacy difficult. Even if that’s the case, you are not responsible for fixing it. You deserve someone who naturally wants to be with you and shows it through actions.

Your needs matter. You’ve already recognized that being with someone who seems indifferent or unsure feels unsatisfying and frustrating. That’s valid it’s not being “negative,” it’s being self-aware. Staying with him out of hope or obligation will only hurt you more in the long run.

How to move forward. The cleanest approach is to stop investing energy in him. If he reaches out later, you can clearly state that the relationship isn’t working for you. This respects both yourself and him it’s honest and avoids stringing either of you along. You’re reading the situation correctly. Continuing to wait or hope for him to “catch up” emotionally is unlikely to improve anything. Ending things now is the healthiest choice for your self-respect and future happiness.

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like you’ve been giving this relationship your heart, and yet, the signals you’re receiving don’t match the effort and care you’ve put in. That can feel confusing and frustrating, especially when the other person’s words promise one thing, but their actions tell another story. Relationships live in action, not just in words. If someone truly cares, you’ll feel it in the small gestures, the attention, the desire to be close emotionally and physically. The lack of any of these signs from him is a red flag you’re already sensing in your bones.

I completely understand why you’re questioning whether his introversion or inexperience could be the reason. It’s tempting to make excuses for people we like because we want to believe in the possibility of growth. But in reality, no amount of potential should come at the cost of your emotional well-being. Being patient is one thing, but being left in limbo feeling ignored or emotionally distant is another. You deserve someone who chooses to show up fully for you, without hesitation or excuses.

It’s also natural to wonder why someone continues dating without real interest. Often, it’s not about malice or cruelty sometimes people cling to the comfort of companionship, or they’re learning about themselves and don’t yet know what they truly want. But that doesn’t make it fair for you. You’re allowed to expect reciprocity, attentiveness, and genuine care in a relationship. Staying in a situation where your feelings aren’t mirrored only delays the love and connection you deserve.

From what you’ve shared, stepping away is not negativity it’s self-respect. Ending things allows you to preserve your heart and make space for someone who can meet you where you are. Life is too short to invest in uncertainty when clarity is possible. Moving on doesn’t close your door to love; it opens it to someone whose words and actions align, someone who will value your presence and affection as much as you value theirs. Trust yourself. you already know what your heart needs.

[Member]

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