[monkey]

My boyfriend has fantasies of a mmf threesome with me. He proclaims to be “super-hetero” and does not seem to be homophobic. I understand when hetero males want to engage in a mmf 3some because they like the voyeurism, enjoy the fantasy of gang-banging the girl or like viewing her as slutty. I’ve known many men that enjoy the oral-penetration triangle, without male to male touching. My boyfriend has been heterosexually promiscuous in his past, but traditionally, so (heterosexual sex with girls he’s dated). He is turned off by hookers, strip clubs, isn’t into porn much and enjoys “vanilla” sex. He is quite shy sexually, sometimes is abashed about his dirty fantasies, and needs intimacy and trust before getting kinky. Since I have gained that trust, he has revealed his threesome fantasy. I’ve asked him if he is turned on by the idea of another man’s penis and he shirks in disbelief and says, no, he just wants to see me have sex with another man. Yet when he describes his dirtiest fantasies to me at the peak of arousal, he gets off on the idea of double penetration and feeling the other man’s penis separated by my innards while both are inside me. Do you think he is bisexual or is bi-curious or is this just part of the spectrum of fantasies that straight men can have? The fantasy is intended to be enacted, by the way, and I ask this question because I wonder how it could shift the dynamic of our relationship, which at this point, is pretty conventional.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sometimes fantasies are best left as fantasies and while sharing them can create deeper intimacy, acting them out often backfires. There’s a reason people have fantasy lives and it’s to keep their real lives safe. The fantasies are a safe way to explore thoughts and feelings without risking hurt feelings among their loved ones and themselves.

I think it’s great that you and your boyfriend are exploring your innermost thoughts and fantasies, but your boyfriend sounds more conventional than you, and I think if you push him too far you’re going to run the risk of ruining the relationship. Skim this forum for other similar situations from readers and you’ll see that more often than not, a threesome results in a relationship break up.

What you’ve omitted in your post is YOUR feelings about sex, and I”m not sure if you’re looking for more kink and excitement in your own sex life or if you’re just trying super hard to take care of your boyfriend by ferreting out his fantasies and then making them come true by enacting them with him. If it’s the latter, consider backing off and keeping your mutual fantasy lives something you talk about, but tiptoe and baby step into. If it’s the former, consider how important your sexual exploration is when weighed against the value of a relationship with this guy without that exploration. I think you may be incompatible sexually, and the ball’s in your court as to whether you are willing to veer more towards vanilla sex or push the envelope and risk losing this guy because the kink is too uncomfortable for him.

[Hazley Joy]

The important here if you feel comfortable with that fantasy. If it’s makes you uncomfortable, then say no and set boundary. Your boyfriend need to respect your feelings. Maybe he’s not bisexual but there’s something turns him on mentally for that fantasy.

[Member]

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