[LonelyGirl]

Hi April,

I have talked to you about my current boyfriend before, but now I have a new question. I have managed to get passed my concern for his talking to another lady (online), and now I have started noticing that we aren’t really getting along very well anymore. He has started calling me out on everything that effects his emotions, from anger to jealousy, and so that’s caused me a lot of frustration, because I really don’t want to hear it.

He really has a superior attitude toward me, and I am extremely “over” it. Okay, so it seems like the best answer is to take that break, but here’s the issue that is keeping me from packing my things.

Since we’ve been together, since 2002, I have changed my mind about whether I wanted to live in Oregon with him and his family (he is 29 and I moved in with him when he was 20, we are living in his parent’s house) and moved back to Florida where I came from to live with my Dad about four different times, in two year increments. You also know about one of the last one’s, when instead of moving back to Dad’s, I moved in with the guy that I told you was visiting my weblog daily.

Obviously, it’s not working. What happens is, I get back to my family’s house and I am bored, no friends, no support, nothing to do but play online all day or get a job, which I never did do there.

I get to my Dad’s and he and I keep in touch, and then he becomes the guy I fall in love with by resetting his respect boundaries, and then I fly back to be with him. I am super frustrated with this cycle and I want nothing more than to branch out on my very own for the very first time, at age 26.

I am enrolled in college full time this summer coming, so I am also kind of scared to do this uprooting thing again, in case I don’t get back to college. It took me 6 years to start, so you can just imagine my fear.

What’s odd is, my Dad is willing to help me out endlessly. No matter what, where, or when, he will let me live with him, help me go to school, and do anything I decide, as long as it’s within his means and so far it has been. I even told him I wanted to start a life in Arizona (where the ex-stalker/boyfriend was) and he said okay. I’ve since reconsidered that idea and now think I should go back where my family is, do the branching out, and see if I can find happiness on my own.

I must sound like I know what I want somewhat, but the problem is him. He is a clinger, he can be unhappy and see how incompatible we are, but he won’t own up to it, and promises change, but as we all know, leopard’s spots don’t change. They just don’t. I’ve known him since he was 16, he has always been the same way.

I do not have any close girl friends, so I have no one to talk to about it, and since I have spent so many years bouncing around the nation, I barely have a sense of home and direction. It’s really time to settle down.

I want to try going to my Dad’s one more time, but I don’t think I should lie about why I’m going back like I think. I think it’s best I just tell my boyfriend the truth, but he resorts to things like belittling me, and I just don’t want to hear it. I’m not a name caller, I don’t want to point out his many flaws, I just want space. I don’t have any reason or support for staying here in Oregon, so that’s why my immediate idea is to just jump on a plane.

How do I move on? How do I let go? I am scared that I won’t find the support he does give me from somewhere else, and it is true my Dad has his own life, so he can’t be there for me constantly. I have a Mom, and she’s there for me somewhat, but she is a bit aloof about things and can’t really offer the tangible support I would need…

[Ask April Masini]

You’re looking for qualities in other people that you should be looking for within yourself. You need to find a way to support yourself and take care of yourself and be okay by yourself or with whomever you’re with. As long as you keep jumping from port to port to port, you’re going to avoid the real challenge: you.

It doesn’t matter where you are. What matters is that you stop looking to others to be the things you want in yourself.

You’re 26 years old and it’s high time you took care of yourself instead of looking to others to do what you should be doing.

I hope that helps!

Please join me at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. You can become a free member. 😀

[Author]

Posts