[Anonymous]

Okay, I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years, within those years a son was born. At the beginning my boyfriend was nice, helpful, and considerate. As the relationship continued he became controlling, insecurity issues,disrespect, the list goes on. Every day he accuses me of something. He do not want me to hang out with my friends, I can not associate with the opposite sex without him assuming something. I am just tired of being questioned about every move I make. I have gotten to the point to where I do not want to be in a relationship with him, but I try to hold on because we have a son together. He is unappreciative, and oh yeah he is still married, for the record did not know he was still married just seperated for a year before he met me until after we got together. I told him that i can not continue to live with a married man, he comes up with every excuse why he can’t get a divorce it mainly because of financial reasons. I am just tired, I have changed my life style entirely, I do not go out anymore, I pretty muched cut off my close friends, which by the way were males, I just do not understand why it is so hard to leave him alone, I see his flaws and he only improves for a week and goes back to his old ways. I need some serious advice, please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You picked a winner! And I mean that sarcastically. Your boyfriend/baby daddy is living with you, but won’t divorce his wife? And he’s controlling, insecure and critical? Yuck. The reason he’s acting so crabby is that he realizes that you don’t owe him anything — except visitation with your child together, and possibly some joint custody. He knows you’re going to wake up and smell the coffee any minute now, and want out, and he’s upset about it, so he’s acting out on you. Well, he’s about to get what he’s feared all along.

Here’s what you need to do. Go to your local court and file for child support and custody of your baby. Do this immediately.

Next, you need to break up with him, and he needs to move out. Not you — him. If you can do all this civilly and with good manners, that’s very important. He’s your child’s father, and you two will be connected for the next 18 years while your child is a minor. But as long as he’s married to someone else, and you’re doubtful about the relationship, you’d be wise to make things clear.

Next, focus on being a good mother and that means taking care of yourself as well as your child. Start seeing your friends and family for social and emotional support. Exercise, eat well, get sleep, and go to the park with your baby.

After you get your ducks in a row, as I’ve described above, then, and only then, can I start advising you on dating as a single mom. You may find at that time that you want to try and make things work with your baby’s daddy if he’s divorced and available at that time. If he’s not, you’re free to explore the dating world and see if Mr. Right is out there for you. But all in due time.

Get your act together for now, and you’ll be in good shape after that.

[Serena Vale]

You’re exhausted because this relationship is unhealthy. He’s controlling, insecure, and still married, and none of that is love. You’ve already changed your whole life to keep the peace, and it’s still not enough. That tells you everything.

Staying “for the child” won’t fix this. Your son needs a calm, emotionally healthy mom more than parents who live together in chaos. You can co-parent without being together.

Stop waiting for him to change, he’s shown you who he is. Start protecting yourself and your child. Get support, set legal boundaries, and choose peace over fear.

You’re not wrong for wanting out. You’re finally listening to yourself.

[Member]

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