[emmarie]

I have been in a committed relationship for 2 years. We have been through a lot, including the past 6 months of long distance. I love him very much and I enjoy having him apart of my life. I am obviously emotionality attached to this person, and it makes me very sad to think of my life without him. My question is however, when does this level of attachment become unhealthy? How do I know when it’s time to take a break from a person? Is it ever okay to allow your love for someone to overwhelm you like it has me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I would love to answer your questions, but first…. please repost this post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . You’ll get better advice from me and anyone else here who wants to chime in, if we can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost and answer you there.

[emmarie]

I was dumped 2 months ago, over a text message. I had a great 2 year relationship with someone, only to have it all end over text. I was hurt, broken and angry. But because I wanted a civil breakup, one where we could both walk away feeling good about our two years together, I asked if we could meet in person to say goodbye. He refused and I have spent the last 2 months accepting that I won’t get that proper goodbye. Meanwhile, my ex has been a jerk to me over social media (posting pics with girls I know, sending me snaps of parties, drunk texting me, the usual). Now, he texts me saying he finally wants to meet to properly end things, and I don’t know how to respond.

With him being so immature these 2 months, it has made me realize how willing he is to put his own feelings above mine. He only wants to meet now that he’s ready and its convenient for him. If he wanted to meet for me or for the benefit of the relationship, he should have asked 2 months ago. Right now, I don’t need a proper goodbye. I accepted a long time ago I wasn’t going to get one. I was hurt, but got over it. I don’t know if I’m over my ex. I still cry sometimes and I miss the relationship. That being said, I’m not in a place where I would want to get back together.

Should I meet with my ex? Should I risk getting my feelings hurt again, or having my feelings for him return? Meeting him now would still mean I am doing things on his terms and giving him another second chance. However, I don’t want to not meet him and regret never having the civil and proper break up I always wanted. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I would love to answer your questions, but first…. please repost this post as a “reply” to the string of posts you’ve already started on this site here: . You’ll get better advice from me and anyone else here who wants to chime in, if we can see your history in one place. I’ll look out for your repost and answer you there.
[/quote]

[Sally]

Love can feel big and consuming, especially with distance and time invested. That part doesn’t mean something is wrong. But it starts to tip into unhealthy when your world shrinks. When your mood depends on him. When the thought of losing him feels scarier than losing yourself.

Attachment becomes heavy when love stops feeling like a place you rest and starts feeling like something you cling to so you don’t fall apart. That’s usually the sign.
Taking a break isn’t about punishing love. It’s about checking in with yourself. Are you still you? Or are you holding on because you’re afraid of the sadness?
Love can be deep and still need space. Overwhelm isn’t proof of love. Calm usually is.

[Tara]

You’re trying to soften: attachment becomes unhealthy the moment your emotional stability depends on another person’s presence, approval, or availability, and you’re already there. Love is not supposed to consume you, destabilize you, or make the idea of your own life without someone feel unbearable. That’s not love, that’s emotional dependency dressed up as devotion.

If the thought of losing him feels like losing yourself, you’ve crossed the line. A break becomes necessary when you’re clinging out of fear rather than choosing out of strength, when distance feels intolerable instead of manageable, and when your identity has quietly shrunk around the relationship.

Long distance didn’t create this it exposed it. And no, it is not okay to let love overwhelm you to the point where it overrides your autonomy, judgment, or sense of self. Healthy love adds to your life; it does not replace it.

[Member]

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