[Anonymous]

My b/f and I have been together 1 year. We are both 38. I feel like we have reverse roles however. He is talking marriage and wanted me to move in with him but told him am not ready. I have a fear of commitment and i also do not trust him. Because of this, i refuse to commit any further or to allow him ot commit any further beacuse i know i would have his life uncomfortable and unhapppy how i am now. Saw in another’s post you told the lady not to let the past affect the present relationship and i fear that is what i am doing. Or maybe not, my b/f does not talk to other women in my presence and i have an issue with that. His take is that for him its disrespectful to be on the phone chatting away with another woman while am there. My take is that maybe the conversation isnt one for my ears. And so I find myself snooping through his cell phone. Am not happy about this and I know I need help. We do talk over alll this stuff am telling you and he has been patient and understanding so far. I have also talked to a few of my friends (male and female) some know him and some dont and they all seen to side with him telling me the issues are at me and i need to deal with my issues. I’ve tried self-help books, a psychologists (who diagnosed my issues, he told me that for whatever reason i dont seem to think i deserve love). In relationships past, when confronted with this situation or as soon as i felt pressured, i would have already had on my running shoes and heading for the hills. In this case, and yes i tried several times , but find it impossible to break it off because i really really love this guy and i know he loves me. He is a really great guy and I do want the relationship to work. Thank for your advice.

May born

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to marry him, he’s ready and willing. If you don’t, he’s going to leave you. It’s pretty simple. When you’re ready to be in a relationship, you’ll start acting like it, but right now, your behavior suggests you want to push him away — I mean, look at it from his point of view. He’s acting like a MAN who is chasing the woman he wants, and he’s going to try and win you over, but if he can’t win you over, he’ll eventually realize that and move on and find someone he can win over. Men stay where they feel good, and if he wants marriage, children and family, and you can’t give that to him for whatever reason — he’s going to find someone who can. The choice is yours. Don’t dwell on “commitment issues” — it’s giving too much credence to your plain and simple, not wanting a long term relationship. Keep it real and if you’re not going to marry him, let him go out of respect for him. I’m sure there are lots of women he could be happy with who would want to be with him. And if you’re just interested in dating without a commitment, there are lots of men who will be your serial dates.

I hope that helps. I’m here if you need any more advice. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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