Hi,
At the risk of having everyone tell me, how stupid or pathetic I am for not seeing this guy is not right for me, I write this message. I guess talking about things and hearing others views helps me to process whats going on in my head and understand the situation.
Ive been with this guy (yes still wit him) nearly a year and its the first longer kinda of relationship since my divorce 3 years ago. In my mind I think a relationship is supposed to flow and perhaps not need so much work after only a year.Or maybe I’m incorrect and it is normal?(We are reading relationship books already!)
I’m 28 and he is 41 and Ive never really noticed the age difference, until of late.He really needs a hair cut and the shirts he wears sometimes..He wont even dye his appearing grey hair,or wear a nice cologne- unless I buy it. He feels that when you love someone you should accept them how they are, and that maybe I need someone else because I dont like the way he maintains himself. I told him its about him feeling good about himself, he says he does already and that I dont feel good about him.
Its very difficult being with someone after you’ve been married and mayb I have too high expectations, like I expect him to assist with housework, contribute to food and bills, not go to sleep on his side of the bed without even saying goodnight, message me when he is not with me , and be more open then he is etc I guess just generally it would be nice to feel cherished, but he feels I demand things and stress him out because I try to talk about things upsetting me.Also he doesnt have as much financially as me( rents,furniture would be worth under 200 all up), and him not giving me what I need emotionally and him puting the church before me, makes me think why am I even with him!
I don’t know how to talk to him about anything upsetting me because he takes things so PERSONALLY and gets upset in himself that hes not making me happy, then even if Im crying I have to console him! I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but where should my expectations lay? I was informed in January that I cant have any more kids, and I was so depressed afterwards because I really saw my life with a baby , and he hugged me once and told me he loves me and whatever will be, will be.I wish he could of supported me through that pain, and when I told him that, he was angry at me and thought I was selfish because I didnt consider that he will never be a father if he stays with me.
As you can see, there are many issues here, and maybe I’m coming accross materialisitc but i worked hard for what i have and he’s a lot older than me to have less! Any feedback would be great.
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