[lastscotlandwolf]

I was divorced early this year after about a year of marriage. I’m now with a new man we’ve been together for about 3.5 months, and for some reason I’m subconsciously trying to turn my new relationship into my failed marriage, expecting my new man to act the same way as my ex and getting super upset if I see any sign of it, it’s beginning to put quite the strain on my new relationship. I’ve tried to stop doing this but so far am unsuccessful.
Help!

[kai]

Hey, like i just mentioned to ‘kindness’ and to several other posters — April has told everyone that [b]the welcome area is not to be used as the Q & A advice forum[/b]. it even says [i]“DO NOT post your questions[/i]” here, when you go to sign up.

i suggest you delete the questions you posted in the welcome forum and repost them in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum instead. i doubt you’ll get a response if you leave them in the welcome area.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

What you’re doing is really common after a marriage ends, especially one that hurt. Your brain is trying to protect you. It’s scanning for danger and jumping the second it sees anything that even reminds it of your ex. That doesn’t mean this new guy is doing anything wrong. It means you’re still carrying the old fear.

The fact that you notice it is huge. That’s not failure, that’s awareness. You’re not trying to ruin this. You’re trying to not get blindsided again.
Here’s the part that matters: when you feel that spike of upset, pause before reacting. Ask yourself, is this him, or is this my past talking. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to slow it down.

And please give yourself some grace. You didn’t stop loving overnight. You won’t stop protecting yourself overnight either. It gets quieter with time, I promise.

[Member]

Posts