[stefy05]

Ok.. so we had a very mature conversation in which i told him how i felt, how his family (in my point of view) had made our relationship come to an end. at first he said if i really loved him i would stick to him. then after i told him how many fights we would have if he was at a family party or reunion anytime how it would bother me not to be there and i would feel uncomfortable. i also told him how dissapointed i was for no support shown. he said he was sorry but he felt like he had to choose and did not want to do so. he also said when things calmed down he would talk to his cousin. anyways since we do ride to school together for now (since my car broke down 2 months ago). we have agreed to keep it friendly and stay in touch at least until the semester is over (in may). we only see each other in rides to school. but im having a hard time not texting him as much as i used to. like he’ll text me wat u doing? and after i txt him back. he juss doesnt txt back.. it makes me soo mad but i cant argue since we are not together. i know he loves me and this is as hard for me as for him but is hard. how can i hold myself back from making contact with him like i used to and still be able to be friends? .. i guess i juss care for him so much..!

[Ask April Masini]

In answer to your question, you can’t be friends and have as much contact as you’re having immediately post break up. It’s an impossible burden you’re putting on yourself. If you continue to take rides to school from him, you’re going to have a hard time emotionally because you have too much energy invested in this break up, and seeing him as if you’re friends is going to be confusing and prevent your healing easily.

My advice is to make friends with someone else who can give you a ride to school. Check out a school ride board. Post a notice in your classes that you need a ride. Use the school website. Go out of your way to open up your world so you can be more independent, move on from this ex, and allow new people into your life.

I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it WILL help you get over him.

[stefy05]

OK so here it goes. Me and him were broken up for a month. in this time we still saw each other in class and still talked. we were both dating other people. we both knew it. i was still having a hard time dealing with the break up but showed him no emotion. One day my best friend calls me and tells me she sees him with another girl. it killed me all i could do was cry. the same day I also saw him myself with the other girl. he was driving by while i was walking. he stared at me and called me 15mins later and i decided not to answer. time went by he would call and txt me telling me he still cared and that the girls meant nothing that he loved me and so did i. even though i was talking to guys deep down i knew he was hu i still cared for. he saw me wit a guy (this town is kinda small) and got truly upset but we couldnt do anything since we were both single. so me and him kept contact but like a call once every 3 days or so to make sure we were still keeping each other around i guess.

so my mother kicks me out like 2 weeks ago.me and her have never really gotten along. our personalities are too alike.. i guess she sees herself in me wen she was younger and doesnt like it at all… and even though the other guys i was talking to offered me a place to stay at, i did not want anything bad happening to me. i only have 2 female friends and one lives 25mins from here so she was no help and the other one lives with her 2 kids mom and 2 brothers. i knew there woudlnt be no room for me to even sleep there one night. so who do i call? yess my ex. he of course picked me up right away and i slept in his bed next to him but nothing happened. i stayed at his house for 2 nights before i found a small apt my boss offered me at a cheap price. so i took it. wen i told him i was moving to a new place he was upset he didnt want me leaving but i knew with us not being together it would be crazy to stay there and hurt myself da way. as i saw things in his room such as a pack of condoms, an empty bottle of vodka and our pictures gone. it wasnt my place to say anything but it hurt me.

wen i moved to the new place he told me he wanted me back. he didnt want to loose me and he was ready to cut all the girls off and make me his number one that those girls did not come close to the way me and him were. he appreciated me more and was ready to make a full commitment . till dis day he claims the reason we broke up was not because of his family but all the fighting we were having and he needed a break from that. i felt as if he wanted me juss because i had my own apt now and he said he saw it like a new begginging for us . so i agreed he moved in and we came to an agreement we would split all
the bills half and i knew this would help me since my job is not the highest paying job out there. well he did cut every girl from the picture , we have been good never better i mean an argument here and there but we have grown as a couple. in dealing with problems and appreciating each other a lott more.. problem is i cut every guy out of the picture but theres this guy at my job hu i completely fell for and i find it so hard to cut him off.
he’s sweet, he treats me good, he cares for me, he does so many nice things for me but his situation is a little more complicated than mine.

he has a gf (well ex) pregnant. the girl got kicked out her house and is living with him. they are no longer together even though they live together. he has proven this to me.
he tells me he wants to start a relarionship and we saw each other last night behind my boyfriends back. i really like this guy. but i know i have no position to be with him and
it will never work out… i loveeee my boyfriend with all my heart. the break showed me how great he is and made me appreciate a lot of little things he does for me, i dont
know how to cut this guy off since we work together and i dnt want no animosity. he knows my situation he tells me to leave my boyfriend and date him. now me and the co worker
have not had anything more than a kiss but i feel so tempted at the same time so guilty. how could i do this to my boyfriend??? i love him and i am sure of that, my coworker
is juss temptation .. im torn here. how do i cut this guy off?? i know if i leave my boyfriend and my stability i have created with my bf for this guy I WILL regret it ..please
help. i guess this guy is too good to be true..kinda dreamy and that’s why is so hard to cut him off.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, you’re living with your boyfriend. Either honor that commitment or cut it off and be single. You’re 20 years old and you need to grow up and stop thinking you can do whatever you want without consequence. Every action has a reaction and if you do something, there will be a result of that behavior. So, if you continue to cheat on your live in boyfriend, he will eventually find out and leave you or he’ll cheat on you or he’ll do both. Is that REALLY what you want? No. It isn’t. You’ve already had plenty of break up drama with your boyfriend, so take the drama out of your life and his. Commit or don’t commit and stick to your decision.

Second of all, the guy you just kissed, who you’re interested in is about to become a father with his live in ex-girlfriend. 😯 They’re a family, and he just wants to sleep with you. I know you want to think there’s more going on, but there isn’t as far as he’s concerned. Trust me. You’re walking into a drama filled situation if you continue to cheat on your boyfriend with this guy who has serious commitments that you’re in denial about. Yes, as you yourself wrote, he is too good to be true. In fact, he’s not good at all — he’s playing you and he’s going to hurt his live in, pregnant, ex-girlfriend and create stress in the house for his new baby to be. Back away from that curb!

I hope that helps — and I hope you’ll become a free member of my newly forming group, AskApril.com on Facebook, that you can access at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[stefy05]

i guess i needed a reality check. thanksz for your honesty. i do need to leave him alone and i do not want to jeopardize my relationship as much as drama as we’ve had im very happy were finally stable. i guess this new guy was juss a distraction. once again thankz ..

[Ask April Masini]

So glad I was able to help! 😀 I hope things go smoothly for you.

Don’t forget to check out AskApril.com on Facebook and become a member of my group at this link: [url][/url]

[Ethan Morales]

That’s a really painful situation, and honestly, I feel for you. From what you’ve shared and from what April Masini wrote I agree with her take. Your family’s behavior isn’t just about “preferences” or “opinions”; it’s rooted in prejudice, and that’s something you shouldn’t have to excuse or manage.

It’s understandable that your mom might dislike smoking that’s a valid concern. But the way she and your family are treating your boyfriend goes far beyond that. Making fun of his looks or using a cruel nickname, especially behind your back, is deeply disrespectful not only to him but to you too. When the people closest to you refuse to respect your choices or the person you love, it can feel like you’re being forced to pick sides, and that’s a terrible position for anyone to be in.

You’ve already done something emotionally mature you tried to reduce the tension and protect your boyfriend without humiliating him. But as April said, there comes a point where protecting peace means setting boundaries, even if that means distancing yourself from family for a bit.

You’re at an age where you’re starting to define your own values who you are separate from your family’s influence. Standing up to them (calmly, but firmly) shows strength and integrity. You’re not choosing your boyfriend over your family you’re choosing respect, fairness, and emotional safety.

It’s hard, but it’s also a defining moment one that’ll shape how people treat you and your relationships in the future. You deserve a family that supports you and a partner who feels welcome in your world.

[Tara]

Your family is disrespectful, judgmental, and flat-out racist and you’re letting them run your relationship like they own it. Your mother doesn’t have “opinions,” she has control issues wrapped in insults. And every time you tiptoe around her comfort instead of protecting your boyfriend, you reinforce her belief that she gets to decide who you date.

You’re 20 years old, not a child trapped under her roof waiting for permission to breathe. You have a boyfriend you care about, and instead of standing up for him, you’re hiding him like he’s something to apologize for. You think you’re preventing conflict, but all you’re doing is proving to your family that their cruelty works. They insult him. You shrink. They mock him. You adjust. They give him a nickname behind your back. You say nothing.

And the worst part? He has no idea he’s being humiliated by the people closest to you while you’re busy “managing” the situation instead of confronting it.

Your family doesn’t have a problem with his looks. They have a problem with losing control over your choices. They’re using his appearance and skin color as the easiest weapon they can reach. And you’re absorbing every blow because you’re afraid to be the daughter who pushes back.

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