[Rnlover58]

I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year and we have been living together for a few months. Before we dated, she was with a guy for 8 years. I recently found out she still texts him. It makes me uncomfortable and I know she has issues with the past because she acts strangely whenever they have been texting. I love her and want to be with her and this is our only real issue. I am unsure whether I should lay down an ultimatum that she says goodbye to one of us? Thanks for any advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem isn’t that she’s texting her ex — the problem is that she [i]want[/i]s to text her ex. If you give her an ultimatum, you’re not eliminating the problem. In fact, you may be making it worse. Ultimatums are never a good idea and they don’t work.

Instead, step up your game. 😉 Win her over so she won’t want to text anyone else. 😎 You see, if you’re the man she really wants, she won’t be texting her ex. And if she is texting her ex, then you have to understand she’s not as serious about you as you want her to be or else she’s not ready to be serious because she’s still hung up on someone else.

I hope that helps.

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[Rnlover58]

Thanks April, but I think we might be past that point. I buy her a gift at least once a month as a rule and always have. We also have an exclusive date night out at least weekly, and I cook dinner and clean the hiuse regularly. Recently we had even been browsing engagement rings online, then I found out about the contact with her ex. I can try stepping it up even more, but pretty discouraged it will work.

[Rnlover58]

Thanks for the advice but we may be past that. I buy gifts and flowers at least once a month as a rule, we have at least a weekly date night, and I cook dinner and clean a lot around the house. I am also the sole breadwinner currently, we got a dog together, and the love life has been very good and satisfying for us both. I am worried that things have gotten to the point where no matter what we do she is always going to keep that connection to him open and will not be able to let go. She has a hard tome even talking to me about it and it usually ends up making her cry, which is the only time she ever does.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how long after they broke up she began dating you. If it wasn’t too long, then she may not be completely over him, and you are a rebound relationship. You also alluded to her issues with the past, and I don’t know what that means, but it sounds like there’s a clue to her behavior in that reference you made.

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